Category Archives: Building Healthy Families

Surviving or Thriving?

When it comes to the health and wellness of our children, as parents we have a lot to sort out. Do we allow our children to eat the commercial foods targeted at them in television and media? How do we determine what are the real keys to optimal health and longevity for ourselves and our children? These questions will be explored in this section of the site.

You Can Tell Me Anything

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“Bang!” “Bang!” “Bang!”

Despite their silence, parents on the playground couldn’t hide their disapproving brows and disturbed looks as my young son pointed a tiny finger and pretended to shoot every child in sight. In those early years, there were times I felt ill equipped as a parent. As my sweet, brown-eyed boy was acting like the most powerful person on the playground, I acted understanding, but felt like a phony.

Here I was, a Montessori teacher, a “peace educator,” and my child loved guns.

Was our household mantra a big mistake? When I recited, “This home is peaceful. We don’t even pretend to play with weapons here. Everyone has the right to be safe,” I didn’t realize it was having the opposite effect: the gunplay didn’t subside. Instead, more docile icons were employed … a carrot stick sword or paintbrush pistol.

I made it my goal to shield him from violent images, closely monitoring the television and following his every move. He played in a carefully prepared environment, rich with sensory activities. The shelves were stocked with puzzles, blocks and art supplies. There were no weapons — not even a pirate ship — yet his fascination with violence continued to grow.

At age 13, my son’s intrigue with weapons was still going strong. He was drawn to games of power and strategy, and the mechanics of machines and weapons.

Retaliation wouldn’t work on a teenager, so I brought my own big guns: shame, guilt and sarcasm. I nagged him constantly and watched a chasm grow between us. He developed a strong love for propulsion and power and left me and my sensitivities in the dust.
The day he talked me into joining him at Airsoft target practice was the turning point. “Mom, guns are just tools. You don’t have to be afraid of them. Shooting at targets isn’t hurting anyone. It’s fun.” Powerless, I played along.

I noted his high marks in proper gun handling. His understanding of gun safety seemed complete and mature, and before I could express concern for the ecosystem bombarded with all those pellets, he assured me they would biodegrade “within a reasonable time frame.”
He had seduced me with reason. I held the gun; it felt all wrong. But one targeted hit was all it took to feel a surge of adrenalin. I peeked self-consciously at the man-child standing beside me grinning ear-to-ear, all too happy to declare, “It feels kind of good when you hit the target, don’t you think, Mom?”

Michael Thompson, Ph.D., author of “Raising Cain,” states: “What we know is that boys in all cultures around the world wrestle more, mock fight more, and are drawn to themes of power and domination, but that’s not the same as hurting someone, so it’s not necessarily a cause for worry.” When parents forbid imaginary play, they inadvertently set up a scenario where children cannot safely express their feelings and impulses.

We strive to see our children as individuals. Yet the shame and guilt we may unwittingly carry forward from our own childhood experiences can be absolutely blinding.

Communication is difficult in the best of circumstances. When children trigger our personal fears, it’s almost impossible to remain open. At times, we may feel embarrassed by our child’s actions; in reality, we’re not ashamed for them, but afraid of what others may think of us. That’s an egocentric life sentence that I’m not willing to adopt.

My fear of guns comes from an unhealed part of me that I was projecting onto my son, one which is easily fueled by the media’s obsession with violence. This same fear cycle plays out around the topic of sex.

In my childhood, discussing sex was simply not done. Having sex was another story. There was a lot of it in my late teenage years — more than I care to admit and much more than I want my son to emulate. My first sexual experience was traumatic, so the idea of discussing birth control with my boy and his girlfriend, age 16, triggered many emotions.

Now 18 and in his first year of college, my son is thoroughly enjoying his independence and his life away from home. Recently, he called to tell me he had ended a relationship. He was upset and really struggling. The conversation that followed was truly remarkable in its openness and candor. I realized we had each come a long way.

What had all those years of parenting and tough communication taught me?

  • In his early teenage years, my responses either shut him down or opened up his honesty. I learned fairly early how to allow my son to reveal what was real for him, even when I didn’t agree.
  • My son’s natural curiosity triggered my emotions in unexpected — often negative — ways. There was no way to control this.
  • When I stopped judging his natural curiosities, I gained respect and could see his broad range of interests.
  • Questions that challenged my beliefs sometimes led to heated discussions. These provided the chance for us to find deep connection within the intensity of conflict.
  • In speaking up about what was unspeakable in my own youth, I learned that I must hear and accept my son’s unique voice.

The channels of honest communication we’ve been forging ebb and flow with the circumstances of life. We don’t talk every day, but when we do, there is honesty, humor and genuine caring. We have established a foundation of trust, meaning all questions and inquires are welcome.

We disagree often, but we rarely judge each other.

The ways in which any of us show up for, and relate to, each other as adults are inextricably tied to unconscious patterns and attitudes developed in childhood. One delightful result of connecting more deeply with our children is the potential for healing the old and outdated wounds within us.

Communication is a long and winding road, an ongoing process of ripping open wounds that tether us to our past. By freeing ourselves from these past attachments, we can observe and engage openly with the children in whom our own hopes and dreams are so intricately woven.

From our new vantage point, the possibility exists that we may meet and embrace the sweet souls of our own youth and, at long last, make peace with who we were and the people we have become.

~Delila

This article appeared in Portland Family Magazine in February 2014. See more at: http://www.portlandfamily.com/posts/you-can-tell-me-anything/

Lessons from Dad

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Ole Olsson

I heard a jarring statistic recently that said 80% of new businesses fail within the first five years. As a copywriter and social media consultant, I’m committed to learning how the best people in business make it happen on a long-term basis.

While it’s certainly important to have dynamic content on our websites or engaging dialogue on Facebook, there are some even more CORE elements that can make or break success. Articles about “profitable practices” constantly appear online, but these fancy Top 10 lists never inspire me to a level of unshakeable confidence or provide lasting knowledge that stands the test of time.

That’s why I turned to my dad. At the age of 83, his career as a successful and widely-respected electrical contractor has been sustainable and thriving for over 50 years. He started his last business in partnership with my brother, at an age when most of his colleagues were retiring. And he still goes into the office most days, though now he arrives a bit later and leaves a bit earlier, with an occasional nap in between.

When my son, Elliott, and I asked Dad for an interview to capture his gems of wisdom for the family archives, he was a bit shy and reluctant.  He’s not one to take credit, preferring to acknowledge the people without whom his own success would not have been possible.

When pressed, he casually recited the following recipe for success:

  1. Work hard – nothing worth having comes easily
  2. Be grateful for what you have – even when it doesn’t seem to be enough
  3. Tell the truth – even if it means losing relationships or business
  4. Invest in people – join with those who share your values to get the best returns
  5. Avoid going into debt – spend wisely and be a good steward of what you have
  6. Allow long-term business relationships to grow – and take time to nurture them
  7. Don’t be afraid to say no – setting clear boundaries keeps standards high

I listened as my father described the same values he had clearly demonstrated for my brother and me as children. The same lessons and values and that formed the foundation for his role as husband and father, had allowed him to build a business that has now grown far beyond what he ever imagined possible.

A few weeks after the interview, my mother became terminally ill. She died last October, an unexpected loss that sent a shockwave through our family. Through it all, Dad’s eternal faith and optimism, even in his darkest hours of personal grief, have provided a guiding light and an unshakeable example of strength for his children and grandchildren.

I am filled with love and respect for my father, and grateful for the compassionate wisdom which is his legacy to me and my family, and my business.  From him I have learned that true success is measured, not by material wealth or social status, but by the depth of one’s commitment to doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.

Here’s an excerpt from the interview with my dad, Ole Olsson, founder of Olsson Industrial Electric:

Until next time,

~Delila

 

Preparing for Preschool

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Yesterday was the first day back for most of the children where I live. Starting school is a very big deal… especially for the youngest students and their parents.

Young children live in the present moment, and future time is a vague and confusing concept for them. Therefore, as we prepare our children for preschool, our parental attempts to build excitement can actually have the opposite effect… and can create added anxiety. Following are a few tried and true preparations which may help to ease the transition for your child, and also for you.

• Allow your child lots of opportunities to practice putting on and taking off their own shoes, and fastening and unfastening (or pulling up and down) clothing when using the bathroom. These important steps of independence build confidence and self-esteem, and also make life away from home much easier.

• Select and read aloud from children’s books about preschool or kindergarten and about making new friends. These stories provide indirect preparations for the new school experience to come, and reading them aloud may encourage your child’s spontaneous questions and curiosity. It’s nice to do this many times before the first day of school arrives. Check out Sam and Gram and the First Day of School by Dianne Blomberg.

• Begin adjusting your child’s sleep schedule several weeks before the first day of school, to avoid the additional stress exhaustion can add to the first day jitters. If they are not waking easily or happily, then continue to moving bedtime back until they wake on their own. Allow plenty of time in the morning for waking, dressing, and eating breakfast, so your child does not feel rushed or anxious. Once you’ve established a comfortable routine, stick to it.

• Share true stories about school with your children. They’ll love to hear the true stories about your own childhood, and these real life stories can provide a lot of information and comfort as they make their own transition to school.

• Engage in pleasant, positive car conversations as you pass the school. These might include some positive comments about the playground, teachers, or the new friends they’ll meet when school starts.

• Keep your parental anxiety in check. Go ahead and process your feelings of sadness or anxiousness or loss with your partner and friends, but don’t allow your child to hear or see your reservations about this next step of independence. The best way to ease your child’s transition anxiety is to convey confidence about the school, the classroom, and the exciting new journey your child’s is embarking upon.

What do you find most helpful for your own children when it comes to managing change and transition? I hope you’ll join the conversation and share your own insights and experiences with all of us!

Until next time,
Delila

My child plays with guns

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Bang bang. You wish you were invisible, that you could disappear from view to avoid the scrutiny of parents looking on as your child pokes, pinches or points an imaginary finger pistol at his playmates.

I’ve recently heard from two mamas who are struggling with the shame and frustration they feel as their little ones explore and express their power in physical and verbal ways.  When children explore their physical power through gun play or the like, parents often feel powerless and embarrassed.  I hope my sharing my own experience will provide some insight.  Here is a re-posting of a blog I wrote on this very subject:

January 15, 2010

On the day I handed down my beloved baby doll Tina to my toddler son, she died twice…first in a hit-and-run with his dump truck and later by drowning. Recalling the time my younger brother had scalped that very same doll, her demise at the hands of my tiny son elicited a lecture so shaming I’ve (thankfully) erased it from memory.

My precious little one was all boy, though he had never seen television or movies or violent images in books. Elliott was raised in a carefully prepared environment rich with sensory activities to engage his curiosity. His shelves were filled with puzzles and blocks and art supplies, not guns and swords and pirate ships. We avoided gender stereotypes, rarely even dressing him in blue.

So where did this fascination with violence come from?

I don’t recall the first time I uttered the enlightened and oh-so-above-it-all mantra, “We have a peaceful home. We don’t even pretend to play with weapons here. Everybody has the right to be safe.”  But I do remember my son  retreating from me time and time again to avoid hearing those words, while attempting to hide a carrot-stick sword or paint brush pistol from my view.

Even with years of education and training,  I felt hopeless and ill-equipped to parent my own child.

Some experts suggest that by forbidding imaginary gun play and other such activities, parents increase children’s interest by driving it underground and thus create a situation where children feel they cannot safely express their feelings and impulses. While others advise parents to prohibit toy weapons altogether, I was unable to find any study linking pretend gun play with an increased incidence of violent behavior in adulthood.

Michael Thompson, Ph.D. (author of Raising Cain) has this to say: “What we know is that boys in all cultures around the world wrestle more, mock fight more, and are drawn to themes of power and domination, but that’s not the same as hurting someone, so it’s not necessarily a cause for worry.”

At some point I had an epiphany. What if Elliott’s intrigue with weapons indicated a natural impulse to gain control of his circumstances, and nothing more?  And what if my own feelings of guilt and shame about his interest in these things could be far more damaging than any run-in with a rubber sword?

I was merely passing on my values, but what if my lecturing and nagging had damaged his self-esteem?

My son’s interest in guns was not a passing fancy; he is naturally drawn to mechanics and strategy, and to power. What has changed is my response.  When I realized the toll it was taking on our relationship, I vowed to stop shaming Elliott. And to talk less and listen more. By stepping down from my soapbox, I now know my son better and can respect his varied interests – which include piano and literature, crocheting and cats.

Last summer  Elliott invited me target shooting.  Even though it was only Airsoft, I said “no thanks,” in a tone that spoke volumes. He quickly countered, “Mom, guns are just tools. You don’t have to be afraid of them. Shooting at targets isn’t hurting anyone. It’s fun.”  I allowed him to be my teacher that day.  He demonstrated proper handling and gun safety with total acuity and, no doubt anticipating another eco-lecture from me, vehemently assured me that the pellets would biodegrade “within a reasonable time frame.”

Holding a gun felt awkward until my first “hit,” which was accompanied by an unexpected surge of adrenalin.  I glanced at Elliott who, grinning more broadly than ever, proudly exclaimed, “Mom, don’t you think it feels kind of good when you hit the target?”  I had to be honest. Hitting the target did feel good.

What transpired on the way home was a delicious helping of parental bliss. He uttered the words “Thank you for taking an interest in this, Mom. I know it was a stretch for you.”… and meant it. In that precious moment, ‘all boy’ didn’t seem ‘all bad.’

Until next time,

~Delila

Liberating the mothers of humanity

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“Patience is also a form of action”  ~ Auguste Rodin

It’s tricky being a woman.  We tend to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and believe we’re responsible for everything around us.

Our children make bad decisions and we question our parenting skills.

A business deal falls through and we wonder how we could have saved it.

A partner is acting strange and we assume it’s somehow our fault.

As women and mothers, we have the power to influence the emotional wellness of those around us, especially our loved ones. Yet, we often take on this responsibility at our own expense.

I took  an unexpected and unwelcome hiatus from this blog due to a series of events and circumstances which have shaken my emotional foundation and left me temporarily at a loss for words.  Over the last several months two beloved family members have passed away and, as if that isn’t enough to manage,  I’ve been named in an ugly, costly and time-consuming lawsuit. As a result, any sense of “normalcy” seems to be lost for the moment.

Despite the physical, emotional and financial trauma surrounding my present circumstances, there are still bills to pay,  deadlines to meet, meals to prepare, and a never-ending pile of laundry calling my name.  And there is a hard truth to face: It’s time to truly accept that life sometimes brings circumstances beyond my control.

I realize it’s time to stop trying to control my circumstances, and return to the care of the ONE THING over which I have some control… myself.

To me, caring for myself means the occasional, unapologetic soak in the tub with a gin and tonic and a trashy gossip magazine.  It means sleeping in ‘til noon from time to time, adding a line item for massage to my monthly budget, and giving myself  permission to walk away from the computer in favor of back-to-back episodes of Glee with my son.   As a mother, business owner, and the sole bread-winner in my family, these are guilty pleasures I rarely allow myself and I’m realizing… maybe it’s time I should!

What guilty pleasure can you allow yourself today?  Choose a good one and please, share it in the comment section below for other Wize Mamas to see.

Life can come at us pretty fast and, as women, we feel it deeply when things aren’t going as planned.  Here’s to liberating ourselves from the need to be the mothers of humanity. And here’s to nurturing ourselves with what we need to be and feel our best.

It’s good to be back.

Much love until next time,

Delila

Holiday Hype got you down?

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While the central premise of marketing revolves around the idea that buying things will make us “happy”,  a study of materialistic values among children determined that kids who have the most in a material sense tend to be the least generous, the least content, and the less confident (From Natural Life Magazine, March/April 2008). This revelation comes as no surprise to any parent who has witnessed the tearful tantrums of a child caught up in the vicious cycle of  begging for “things” – candy, toys or the immediate object of their desire – only to discover that the joy at having acquired the thing is fleeting and empty.

Yet, this is what we face as consumers… holiday hype and commercial marketing often seems to overshadow the real meaning of the season.

What if commercial holidays were no more worthy of celebration than the loss of a tooth; the changing of the seasons; the sprouting of a seed; the birth of a child; or the historical milestones of any culture?  And what if we honored each of these milestones with equal reverence and without regard for commercial hype?

I offer these few simple suggestions for slowing down and staying connected to the things that really matter this holiday season:

Walk outdoors and collect objects from nature – pinecones, autumns last leaves, rocks and twigs can make a festive winter table decoration.

Keep a Gratitude Journal: Every member of the family can share one thing for which they are thankful. This becomes a lovely keepsake treasure of shared moments.

Volunteer: There is perhaps no better way to remain mindful of the real meaning of “giving” than to serve those less fortunate.

Feed the birds: Large pinecones smeared with nut butter and rolled in birdseed make a tasty treat for birds…hang them in a place where you can observe what happens

I wish you a holiday season filled with Joy, Peace, Gratitude & Love.

Until next time,

Delila

Kindling the Flame of Creativity

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The creative is the place where no one else has ever been…What you’ll discover is yourself. ~Alan Alda

This post is dedicated to all who tirelessly pursue the creative process.

Creativity involves learning techniques and exploring pathways and discovering one’s unique passions and gifts. For some, creativity is a state of being in the world.

Have you ever experienced a moment of inexpressible, ineffable… something… while immersed in a creative process like singing or drawing or writing?  I say these are the magical moments which keep us anchored to our life dreams and overarching goals. These are the moments we wish for our children, and what inspires us to enroll them in piano and art.

My creative course took a turn twenty five years ago, while observing a group of Montessori preschool children at work and play. I had an epiphany about the vital creativity at work in children; creativity which was not bestowed by a teacher but rather discovered, explored and nurtured by the children themselves.

Creativity is about impulse and passion and choice.  It’s about freedom and flow. It’s about beauty. And it’s about keeping the flame alive. Here are a few  practical tips for encouraging creativity in children and families. What are your favorite tools and tricks? Please take a moment to post your comment:

Provide Opportunity and Choice.

When a spark of creativity is ignited, it’s nice to have some expressive tools and materials at your fingertips. By providing a space and materials with which to work, your child can experience the freedom of choosing how to express a creative impulse or idea. I recommend providing a variety of supplies, organized in boxes or baskets, on a low shelf that is accessible to every member of the family.  Here are some of the basics:

  • Paper – a wide variety of colors and textures and sizes.
  • Easel – great for painting, chalk, and for large collage projects
  • Magazines or catalogs; photos – great for collage
  • Pencils, markers, crayolas and/or oil pastels, and chalk
  • Paints (such as tempura and watercolor)
  • Scissors – different types, including those with fun-shaped edges
  • Glue – squeeze and stick varieties; and a hot glue gun for older kids.
  • Clay – Earthen or Fimo (polymer clay) for sculpture
  • Popsicle sticks – or craft sticks – great for a variety of projects
  • Seasonal items, like autumn leaves, holiday wrap, glitter, stickers… anything goes!
  • Cloths or rags – a basket full for clean up – and a place to put the dirty cloths
  • Plastic or vinyl placemats – to protect works spaces from paint, glue, glitter etc.
  • Aprons – one to fit every artist in the house :)

Establish and Uphold Clear Guidelines of Use.

No parent wants to find tempura paint on the ceiling or clay in the carpet.  Simple guidelines/rules are necessary for maintaining order and keeping everyone safe, but should not inhibit creativity.  These three simple rules allow the individual a large measure of creative liberty within clearly defined limits:

1.      Respect for Self

2.      Respect for Others (anyone around me)

3.      Respect for Environment (immediate, local and global)

Any activity or creative expression that is not respectful of the individual, others, or the space (environment) should not be allowed.  If a material is purposefully misused – like when paint appears on the ceiling, walls or in a siblings hair – it should be removed for a time, and brought back only if the child agrees to use it appropriately.

Demonstrate Basic Techniques: Creative people have mastered specific techniques that allow them to express their unique spirit and creative process. Take the time to demonstrate the basic use of each artistic tool – i.e. pencil, scissors, paintbrush, clay, glue, etc. – before inviting the child to use them independently.   Once the techniques have been demonstrated, the child may explore other ways to use them, or use them in combination.

Respect the Creative Process at Work. As anyone who has ever observed the activities of very young children can attest, they are process-driven creatures.  It’s not at all unusual for a child to spend 30 minutes creating a painting, only to leave the finished product behind, forgotten. This is the natural course of things for the young child, who moves with ease from one activity to the next, immersed in the process of exploring and becoming. It can be difficult for an adult to imagine a child being propelled solely by their own curiosity and inner guidance, and yet when left to their own devices, they are.

Invite Open Dialogue. Children, like adults, don’t always want to talk about their process… and that’s ok.  Trust that your child’s creative explorations may take them to places you have not been. Get curious and, when they do share about their experience, do your best to listen without judgment. Judgment, whether positive or negative, stifles creativity.

Offer Observations and Avoid Praise. The well-meaning adult who swoops in to praise  a child who has produced a product is establishing a pattern of unhealthy dependence on adult approval.  Such a pattern is easily established and difficult to break. Some experts suggest that children who receive regular praise from adults are less confident, less independent, initiate fewer activities on their own, and take fewer (creative, social and intelletual) risks.

However, well placed and objective comments about the child’s process can have the opposite effect, supporting the development of healthy self-esteem. The difference is that praise is totally subjective and places a judgment on the child, while objective comments make meaningful observations of the child’s process,  inspire greater introspection and allow the child to gain confidence in his true abilities. Here is an example of the difference between subjective praise and objective comments:

  • Subjective Praise: “Wow! You are a great artist!”
  • Objective comment: “ I notice you used a lot of blue.”
  • Objective comment: “I see a pattern of lines and circles.”
  • Objective comment: “You worked for a long time on this painting!”

Get Friendly with Error and Avoid Judgment.

Judgment stifles creativity. Humans learn and progress through exploration, experimentation, and by making mistakes and trying again. From this perspective, errors are good indicators of positive progress! Mistake is not a dirty word, despite what we may have learned in school, and Right and Wrong are subjective terms. That one person (even if that person is a parent or teacher) does something in a certain way should not preclude another person from trying it another way.

Explore Your Own Creative Process. Allow your child to see you experimenting, exploring, and expressing your own creative spark.  Paint, draw, and build crazy sculptures and colorful collages.  Have fun!

A favorite collaborative activity: Commemorative Collage

  • Gather family members around an open workspace at a table or on the floor
  • Invite every family member to cut or tear out photos (from magazines or catalogs) which depict what they like about life, family, etc.  Remember… there are no right or wrong answers or images!
  • Once everyone has selected a few images, take turns affixing (glue or glue stick) the images to a small or large poster board.
  • Words can be added as well; older family members can write for those who don’t know how.  The words can be absolutely anything anybody wants to say about family.  It only has to make sense to the person offering it.
  • Choose a common area in which to post the collage, where every member of the family can see and enjoy it.  Someone might even choose to add another image later on.
  • This same activity can be done with family photos or memorabilia to commemorate a birthday or holiday, or the passing of a favorite pet.
  • Suggestion: Ring in the New Year with a family collage to commemorate 2009!

Enjoy!

Until next time,

Delila

Celebrating with Children

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Today is Halloween, which means we are still in the midst of my favorite season… autumn. However,  when I walked into my local Fred Meyer the other day I  was stunned to discover racks of holiday decorations and tinsel and lights. At my house we’re still harvesting tomatoes and raking leaves. December celebrations are distant on the horizon. But not for the mega-corporations intent on capturing our hearts and our dollars.

Always a season ahead, advertisers welcome the approach of the winter holidays with a vigorous attempt to capitalize on our desire to create memorable family rituals. While a central premise of marketing is that buying things will make us happy (not!),  a study of materialistic values among children determined that kids who have the most in a material sense tend to be the least generous, the least content, and less confident  (From Natural Life Magazine, March/April 2008). This revelation comes as no surprise to any parent who has witnessed the tearful tantrums of a child caught up in the vicious cycle of  begging for “things” – candy, toys or the immediate object of their desire – only to discover that the joy at having acquired the thing is fleeting and empty. 

We can turn off the tube  (good first step) but we can’t control the commercialism which presses in through magazines and retail stores – and which bombards our children with images that depict values that may differ from those we want to impart.  However, as parents we can offset the manipulative power of advertising by providing our children an abundance of real, meaningful moments in which to anchor their developing values and beliefs. These kinds of moments – those spent with family and friends, sharing meaningful rituals – weave the true emotional fabric of life.

In our Montessori classrooms we find many events and occasions worthy of celebration, including the loss of a tooth; the changing of the seasons; the sprouting of a seed; the birth of a child; and the historical milestones of many cultures. We honor each of these with equal reverence and without regard for commercial hype which may surround its arrival.  We share  stories, music, and artistic expressions of many cultures and celebrations as dictated by the natural interest of the children, the cycles of the seasons, and the  values of the school community.

We connect as often as possible with nature, a shared experience through which we can explore lessons in history and culture and the ongoing story of our humanity. For the winter holidays we explore the seasonal changes in the earth as well as various cultural expressions of the time, including but never limited to celebrations of Christmas, Hanukkah, Los Posadas, Kwanzaa, Diwali, and the Winter Solstice.  Songs, stories, and pictures on our walls may reflect aspects of these cultural celebrations, all of which inspire further explorations and conversations. Some children may have personal stories, music, or a special project to share and we welcome these.

Because young children are easily overwhelmed by too much activity, we keep our celebrations simple, short and meaningful; and we maintain the regular routines and rituals to which the children are so deeply connected.

Here are a few simple suggestions to inspire meaningful moments and family traditions:

Take a brisk walk outdoors to collect objects from nature – pinecones, autumn’s last leaves, rocks and twigs – and collaborate to make a festive winter table decoration.

 

Keep a family Gratitude Journal: each day at the same time – after dinner or before bed works well – every member of the family can share one thing for which they are thankful, and another member can record them. If you have children who are old enough to write, they will delight in being the one to record these daily “gratitudes.”

 

Volunteer: discuss ways in which your family might be of service to others – preparing and delivering a meal to an elderly person; volunteering at a soup kitchen; or creating a gift box for a child in need are wonderful ideas –  and make it a yearly tradition for your family to participate in some such volunteer activity.

 

Host a cookie swap among friends and neighbors: make the baking a collaborative experience with your children, as well as the sharing of what you have made. The message: there is as much joy in giving as receiving.

Feed the birds: find a recipe for making your own bird food or bird feeder (large pinecones smeared with nut butter and rolled in birdseed make a tasty treat for birds) and hang them in a place where you can observe what happens.

Happy Haunting :)

Delila

Separation Anxiety: when it’s hard to say goodbye…

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Whew! Writing this post took me back to my son’s first day of Montessori school… eleven years ago. That doesn’t seem possible!  I can still feel myself fighting back tears as I mustered a bright and enthusiastic send off as my “baby” hurried off to join his new friends.That first day was relatively easy for him, but incredibly difficult for me.

Separation anxiety is no fun for parent or child, but it is a natural part of growing up.

Babies and toddlers go through an anxiety phase (usually, between 7 – 24 months) because they have not yet developed an understanding of object permanence, meaning; they don’t yet understand  that important people continue to exist even when they are out of sight.

This kind of anxiety sometimes appears again, briefly, when children start school. By this age (3 and older) the child does understand that people go away and come back again, but may need extra reassurance that familiar objects and people will reappear when the school day is done. Once trust is established – they know mama or papa will return to pick them up after school – the child can let go of anxious feelings and move into the school day with a sense of confidence.

No matter how wonderful the school and the teacher may be, the first day of school represents something new and unknown in the life of the child, and also in the life of the parent.  Therefore, the way in which parents prepare for and communicate about this big change is a critically important factor in the child’s experience.

Here are a few timely tips for easing first-day-of-school jitters:

  • Read a book to encourage your child’s questions and prepare for the experience of going to school – it’s nice to do this many times before the first day of school arrives.  Check out Sam and Gram and the First Day of School by Dianne Blomberg.
  • Make sure your child gets plenty of sleep; push bedtime back, if necessary, to assure your child awakes calm and happy and with plenty of time to dress, eat breakfast, and get out the door without feeling rushed or anxious about the time. Click for some additional tips on creating healthy bedtime rituals.
  • Involve your child in preparations for school, such as helping to pack a lunch and laying out clothing the night before, and preparing breakfast in the morning. Allowing the child to be fully involved in the process instills confidence and positive feelings about the new school experience. Click for some additional tips on dressing for independence.
  • Engage in pleasant, positive car conversations – be sure to convey your excitement and confidence in your child’s new school. And remind them that you’ll be back to pick them up, after their fun day at school.
  • Turn off your cell phone, so you can give your undivided attention to your child and facilitate a smooth transition. Same goes for pick up – when you are talking on your cell phone you are not being present for your child.
  • Once at the classroom door, share a short goodbye – a warm hug and a kiss, and a reminder that you’ll be back when school is out. Remain positive and enthusiastic, even if (especially if) your child seems reluctant. Prolonged goodbyes are difficult for the child and the parent, and do not help the transition to school. Same goes for peering through the window or lingering in the parking lot – if your child sees you doing this, it will only indicate to them that you are not comfortable and, therefore, they won’t be comfortable either.
  • If your child is having difficulty entering the classroom or is unwilling to physically separate from you (you know, like when they are wrapped around your pant leg…), allow a teacher to assist. Remember, pre-school teachers have lots of experience with just such a scenario.
  • If your child eats lunch at school, it’s really lovely to include a simple note – something like:  “Dear Elliott,   I love you.  ~Mama” This is a meaningful ritual which provides a nice touchstone to home and family while fitting in nicely with the child’s experience at school.

Most parents feel a mixture of joy and sadness as the child reaches each new level of independence. As difficult as it may seem to send your little one off to their new school for a few hours, keep in mind the reasons you chose this experience for your child.

Wize Mamas – what are some tips can you share for easing first-day-of-school anxiety, or for when those “I don’t want to go to school!” days rear their ugly heads?  Please join the conversation!

Post your comments by clicking on the title of this post (above) and then clicking in the comment box (below).

Until next time,

Delila

Are Schools Killing Creativity?

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Wize Mamas,

I just viewed a video on TED which really captured my imagination and got me thinking –  and I think you’ll see why (link below).

Sir Ken Robinson, Ph.D., challenges the way our public school systems educate our children and champions educational philosophies – such as Montessori and Waldorf – which cultivate creativity and allow children to discover their own true interests and passions.

“We have to rethink the fundamental principles on which we are educating our children..  to see our children for the hope that they are… to educate their whole being so they can face the future… and make something of it” ~Sir Ken Robinson

Click to hear Dr. Robinson’s throught-provoking talk on TED.

What can schools do to encourage creativity and creative thinking in children? Post your comments by clicking on title of this post (at the top) and then filling in the comment box (at the bottom).

Until next time,

Delila