Tag Archives: conflict

Liberating the mothers of humanity

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“Patience is also a form of action”  ~ Auguste Rodin

It’s tricky being a woman.  We tend to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and believe we’re responsible for everything around us.

Our children make bad decisions and we question our parenting skills.

A business deal falls through and we wonder how we could have saved it.

A partner is acting strange and we assume it’s somehow our fault.

As women and mothers, we have the power to influence the emotional wellness of those around us, especially our loved ones. Yet, we often take on this responsibility at our own expense.

I took  an unexpected and unwelcome hiatus from this blog due to a series of events and circumstances which have shaken my emotional foundation and left me temporarily at a loss for words.  Over the last several months two beloved family members have passed away and, as if that isn’t enough to manage,  I’ve been named in an ugly, costly and time-consuming lawsuit. As a result, any sense of “normalcy” seems to be lost for the moment.

Despite the physical, emotional and financial trauma surrounding my present circumstances, there are still bills to pay,  deadlines to meet, meals to prepare, and a never-ending pile of laundry calling my name.  And there is a hard truth to face: It’s time to truly accept that life sometimes brings circumstances beyond my control.

I realize it’s time to stop trying to control my circumstances, and return to the care of the ONE THING over which I have some control… myself.

To me, caring for myself means the occasional, unapologetic soak in the tub with a gin and tonic and a trashy gossip magazine.  It means sleeping in ‘til noon from time to time, adding a line item for massage to my monthly budget, and giving myself  permission to walk away from the computer in favor of back-to-back episodes of Glee with my son.   As a mother, business owner, and the sole bread-winner in my family, these are guilty pleasures I rarely allow myself and I’m realizing… maybe it’s time I should!

What guilty pleasure can you allow yourself today?  Choose a good one and please, share it in the comment section below for other Wize Mamas to see.

Life can come at us pretty fast and, as women, we feel it deeply when things aren’t going as planned.  Here’s to liberating ourselves from the need to be the mothers of humanity. And here’s to nurturing ourselves with what we need to be and feel our best.

It’s good to be back.

Much love until next time,

Delila

Helping Children Dress Themselves

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Today I got a question from a mama who is growing weary of the daily struggle with her young daughter, who insists upon wearing shorts and tee shirts to school.  Mom is concerned that her daughter won’t be warm enough, now that brisk autumn weather is upon us, but her little one is committed to making her own choices .  How can this mama allow her child the freedom to express her own clothing preferences, while also looking out for her safety and comfort?

As adults we are accustomed to juggling many options, but it’s important to remember that too many choices become overwhelming to a young child.  As parents we can ease the child’s burden of responsibility by  limiting choices to only those that are appropriate for them.  For example, once the weather changes it’s time (for the parent) to pack away shorts and tees and any other seasonally inappropriate clothing until the return of warmer weather. Any item of clothing which is not suitable for a brisk autumn day, or for school, should be removed from dressers and drawers, thus limiting the child’s choices and allowing for greater independence with fewer power struggles. To read more suggestions on this subject, Click Here.

Please post a comment to share your tips and strategies for assisting your child in dressing independently (and appropriately) – or to post a question. Your insights, experience and questions are valuable to the whole MamaWize community so please join the conversation!

Until next time,

~Delila

Dressing for Independence and Self Esteem

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Anyone who has parented a toddler can identify with the struggle which ensues when a well-meaning adult rushes in to “help” the child with a task they are attempting to do on their own.

Imagine this scenario: the child has pushed her head through the armhole of her favorite ‘princess’ dress, the dirty one she’s been wearing every day for the past week, and the parent is determined to get her into something more suitable for her first day of school.    In this moment the child is expressing her need for  independence, while the adult struggles to gain control of the situation and the child.  Such conflicts are intense and emotional and usually result in a sense of defeat for both child and parent.

Following are some tips for supporting your child’s need to independently  manage their clothing. With a new school year just around the corner, these simple strategies can make mornings easier and more pleasant for children and parents:

  • Store the child’s clothes in a low drawer or on a low rod, so they are easy to access.
  • Fill drawers with clothing choices that are easy for the child to manage. For example: for a three year-old, elastic waistbands and pullover shirts are good choices; buttons, snaps, belts and suspenders are not.
  • Limit Choices.  Too many options can be overwhelming for the child.  I recommend including no more than several of each item – shirt, pants, socks, etc.  The child may choose one of each item on a given day.  Make sure every item of clothing you put in the drawer and closet are acceptable to you. Then, within these limits allow the child to make their own choice of color/style. Try to let go of adult expectations – who says stripes and plaids don’t match?
  • Stock the drawer or closet with ONLY seasonally appropriate clothing. For example, shorts, tank tops and sandals should be packed away during the winter months.  This way, the child cannot make a ‘wrong’ or inappropriate  choice.
  • Avoid battles of will by storing ‘fancy’, costume, or formal clothing (anything that is not school-appropriate attire) in an entirely separate place. As the parent, it is your responsibility to decide which things are available at all times and which only come out for special occasions, or for play.
  • Allow the child the creative freedom to combine patterns and colors of their own choosing, from among the limited options you have provided.   Try to let go of your need for your child to look or dress a certain way.  Through the experience of making their own choices, the child gains confidence in their ability to manage independently and begins to develop their own personal style preferences.
  • When the child is headed for the laundry hamper to pull out the favorite (dirty) item of clothing, calmly remind them that they may choose from among the items in their drawer/closet and that the favorite dress will be available on another day.

We can’t control the child – and we shouldn’t try – but we can control the choices we offer. While it takes some time to put the above preparations in place, it’s well worth the effort.  As independence increases, so does the child’s sense of self esteem and confidence in their own abilities.

I’m smiling as I recall a few of my Montessori students whose colorful, eclectic attire revealed their independence, self-confidence, and unique fashion sense. In honor of them, today I may wear stripes and polka dots. :)

Have you got some tried and true tricks for helping children get dressed independently? Post a comment to join the conversation!

Given the right kind of  support even the youngest child can learn to manage many aspects of life independently. My next post will focus on the topic of toilet training. Stay tuned!

Until next time,

Delila