Monthly Archives: May 2012

The Beat of Her Own Drum

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At one time it was unthinkable for a woman to raise her child apart from the rituals and traditions of her community. Much has changed, but today’s woman still carries within her a lineage of wisdom that innately prepares her for childbirth and parenting. This knowledge echoes the voices of ancient grandmothers who teach valuable lessons about building community, raising children, and caring for oneself amidst the bustle of modern living.

Portland-based Shamanic practitioner Rebecca Singer teaches women to connect with this deep inner knowledge, and to march to the beat of their own drum while growing families, careers, and communities. With minimal support from her family, Rebecca raised her son as a single parent while living internationally, working with at-risk youth and supporting the needs of those on the threshold of change.

The skills Rebecca teaches women about childbirth and parenting are profound. She says, “Nothing connects a woman more to her power than birthing a baby. It’s a breaking open of a woman into her own wisdom. Too often, the focus during pregnancy is on ‘what if something goes wrong’ rather than on a woman’s instinctive ability to give birth. Today many women choose C-sections so their bodies won’t have to go through a natural birth. I loved being in labor. There was this deep sense that I knew what I was doing.”

Connection with the Earth can seem like an idealist state, but Rebecca demonstrates how it must be a priority in our fast-paced society. “When our bare feet hit the ground, our breathing and heart rate slows down, our eyes can focus, and our expectations and demands get a chance to fall by the wayside. Children desperately need this time away from technology to connect with the natural rhythm of nature, and so do we as mothers. It drops us into our bellies and allows us to relax and remember who we are.”

Which leads to a common question: How can a mother be fully present for her children without abandoning her own needs? Rebecca points out, “It’s so important to connect and build friendships with other healthy women who love being women. Find a group of mothers who can laugh and cry about the absurdities of parenthood. Seek out those who don’t compete or criticize. And then trust yourself completely. No one knows how to raise your child better than you.”

Every good mother wants her children to grow up happy, to be good to others and to live their own passion. This calls for parenting that is fierce, unconditionally loving, and that provides children with clear and consistent limits. “Mothers must be ready to defend their children and also be able to listen to constructive feedback about their children. Ultimately, it’s up to us as mothers to negotiate with anyone or anything that dims our child’s spirit. Good parenting is about protecting children, teaching them about their own inner knowing and strength, and then letting them go.”

As kids hit the teenage years, parents must shift as well. Rebecca helps moms in this stage learn how to check their reactivity to common situations. She believes, “Not every teenager is going to be difficult. It’s a psychological set-up in our culture to expect teens to be a challenge. Friendships can feel fake and unsatisfying at this age and kids can feel isolated, and it’s hard on their spirit. Home must be a place where they can be fully themselves. Establishing safety in your home means making yourself available to really listen and communicate without judging.

Mothering a teen means making yourself available to communicate, understanding and accepting their need to become independent from you, and allowing them to show you what kind of support is needed. Most of all, teens need to see their mothers modeling acceptance, confidence and comfort in their own skin.”

Eloquently, Rebecca reminds women, “Mothering is a season of life in which we are called to be entirely present and dedicated to the wellbeing of another person. Happy childhoods are not created by doing more, achieving more, or having more. It’s about being fully available to your child. Learn how to go inside, listen to your gut, and listen to what your child is telling you he or she needs. And if you don’t know how to do it, get some help. Forget the people who want to tell you what to do; choose the people who can teach you how to trust your instincts and love yourself.”

As a Shamanic healer who works on three continents, Rebecca is the embodiment of a fearless warrior. But when she speaks about her adult son, Liam, there’s a softness that illuminates her mother’s heart: “I have to say of all my experiences in life, raising my son was the best … the absolute best.”

~Delila

This article appeared in Portland Family Magazine in May 2012. -See more at: http://www.portlandfamily.com/posts/the-beat-of-her-own-drum/

Lessons from Dad

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Ole Olsson

I heard a jarring statistic recently that said 80% of new businesses fail within the first five years. As a copywriter and social media consultant, I’m committed to learning how the best people in business make it happen on a long-term basis.

While it’s certainly important to have dynamic content on our websites or engaging dialogue on Facebook, there are some even more CORE elements that can make or break success. Articles about “profitable practices” constantly appear online, but these fancy Top 10 lists never inspire me to a level of unshakeable confidence or provide lasting knowledge that stands the test of time.

That’s why I turned to my dad. At the age of 83, his career as a successful and widely-respected electrical contractor has been sustainable and thriving for over 50 years. He started his last business in partnership with my brother, at an age when most of his colleagues were retiring. And he still goes into the office most days, though now he arrives a bit later and leaves a bit earlier, with an occasional nap in between.

When my son, Elliott, and I asked Dad for an interview to capture his gems of wisdom for the family archives, he was a bit shy and reluctant.  He’s not one to take credit, preferring to acknowledge the people without whom his own success would not have been possible.

When pressed, he casually recited the following recipe for success:

  1. Work hard – nothing worth having comes easily
  2. Be grateful for what you have – even when it doesn’t seem to be enough
  3. Tell the truth – even if it means losing relationships or business
  4. Invest in people – join with those who share your values to get the best returns
  5. Avoid going into debt – spend wisely and be a good steward of what you have
  6. Allow long-term business relationships to grow – and take time to nurture them
  7. Don’t be afraid to say no – setting clear boundaries keeps standards high

I listened as my father described the same values he had clearly demonstrated for my brother and me as children. The same lessons and values and that formed the foundation for his role as husband and father, had allowed him to build a business that has now grown far beyond what he ever imagined possible.

A few weeks after the interview, my mother became terminally ill. She died last October, an unexpected loss that sent a shockwave through our family. Through it all, Dad’s eternal faith and optimism, even in his darkest hours of personal grief, have provided a guiding light and an unshakeable example of strength for his children and grandchildren.

I am filled with love and respect for my father, and grateful for the compassionate wisdom which is his legacy to me and my family, and my business.  From him I have learned that true success is measured, not by material wealth or social status, but by the depth of one’s commitment to doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.

Here’s an excerpt from the interview with my dad, Ole Olsson, founder of Olsson Industrial Electric:

Until next time,

~Delila