Category Archives: Education & School

The best and most effective educational methods observe and support the natural development of children. In this section we will explore some proven methods which help children develop creativity, problem solving and critical thinking, and help them to discover ways to contribute positively to society and the environment.

The Nature of Childhood

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During a peewee soccer game, one tiny player stared up into the sky, his eyes intently following the path of an orange butterfly. The coach and many spectators loudly called his name, but the ball rolled right past him without notice. His attention was elsewhere … in nature.

Children innately love nature. They crave connection with the living environment.

As they skip and tumble through the grass, collecting handfuls of leaves or carefully studying the movement of an insect, we may be reminded how much the ever-changing canvas of earth is a vital part of life.

Yet, according to Richard Louv, author of Last Child in the Woods, only 6 percent of children ages 9 to 13 spend time playing outdoors apart from when they’re at school.

For a number of reasons, including increased access to technology, children are spending less time outdoors and in unstructured play than ever before. For many parents and educators, this sparks concern that they could become increasingly isolated from the essential experience of exploring their natural world.

Most adults can recall summer days spent picking wild berries, counting the legs on a woolly bear caterpillar, making daisy or dandelion chains or scooping polliwogs into a jar with the hope of growing a frog. These memories became pivotal moments of childhood that lit up our creativity and ignited our sense of awe.

We learned important things about life and the world through this unstructured play time. It’s why we seek outdoor camps and summer programs for our children.

Engaging the Senses

Montessori education is known for using nature and the living environment to engage a child’s senses. Students gain creative control over their indoor and outdoor spaces through purposeful activities that teach responsibility for self, others and the environment. This encourages hands-on exploration and participation that takes awareness and learning to new heights.

In my parent outreach work at West Hills Montessori, one comment I hear frequently from visitors is, “The children seem so happy.” They are happy because there’s diversity, self-direction and a sense of balance built into their day.

Instead of turning to the nearest adult (or computer) for answers to their questions, Montessori kids explore indoor and outdoor classrooms which serve as laboratories where they make real life discoveries about the world. This gives their learning a deep and relevant meaning that stays with them long after they leave the school.

For this reason and many others, Montessori is a great choice for many families. It’s also a source of inspiration during the summer months for parents who want to infuse a little more nature into their child’s experience.

Here are a few suggestions you can try at home to keep nature play at the forefront of your child’s summer experience:

Offer tools of outdoor exploration.

Binoculars, gloves, magnifying glasses, bug nets and boxes are essential tools of outdoor exploration. Your child will use these in ways that amaze and delight you.

Plant and tend a family garden.

Even the smallest outdoor space can be transformed by the addition of garden rows or containers for planting, a (child-sized) bench for working and resting, and a variety of (adult- and child-sized) tools such as shovels, trowels, pruners, watering cans and gloves. Collaborate with your child to choose plants, vegetables and fruits you will enjoy tending and harvesting together.

Familiarize yourself with the plant and animal species that surround you.

Walking and hiking with children is a lovely way to connect with each other while engaging more deeply with the natural world. Try keeping an adventure journal in which family members can record, with words or drawings or any media you choose, plant and animal sightings and other noteworthy nature events.

Go outside and play!

The same technology that has the potential to distract our children from the activities that ignite their imaginations can isolate us as well. When we unplug electronics for a little while and step outdoors to play with our children, we may rediscover a magical world that calls us to slow down and enjoy the journey more.

-Delila

This article appeared in Portland Family Magazine in June, 2013.  See more at: http://www.portlandfamily.com/posts/the-nature-of-childhood/

Preparing for Preschool

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Yesterday was the first day back for most of the children where I live. Starting school is a very big deal… especially for the youngest students and their parents.

Young children live in the present moment, and future time is a vague and confusing concept for them. Therefore, as we prepare our children for preschool, our parental attempts to build excitement can actually have the opposite effect… and can create added anxiety. Following are a few tried and true preparations which may help to ease the transition for your child, and also for you.

• Allow your child lots of opportunities to practice putting on and taking off their own shoes, and fastening and unfastening (or pulling up and down) clothing when using the bathroom. These important steps of independence build confidence and self-esteem, and also make life away from home much easier.

• Select and read aloud from children’s books about preschool or kindergarten and about making new friends. These stories provide indirect preparations for the new school experience to come, and reading them aloud may encourage your child’s spontaneous questions and curiosity. It’s nice to do this many times before the first day of school arrives. Check out Sam and Gram and the First Day of School by Dianne Blomberg.

• Begin adjusting your child’s sleep schedule several weeks before the first day of school, to avoid the additional stress exhaustion can add to the first day jitters. If they are not waking easily or happily, then continue to moving bedtime back until they wake on their own. Allow plenty of time in the morning for waking, dressing, and eating breakfast, so your child does not feel rushed or anxious. Once you’ve established a comfortable routine, stick to it.

• Share true stories about school with your children. They’ll love to hear the true stories about your own childhood, and these real life stories can provide a lot of information and comfort as they make their own transition to school.

• Engage in pleasant, positive car conversations as you pass the school. These might include some positive comments about the playground, teachers, or the new friends they’ll meet when school starts.

• Keep your parental anxiety in check. Go ahead and process your feelings of sadness or anxiousness or loss with your partner and friends, but don’t allow your child to hear or see your reservations about this next step of independence. The best way to ease your child’s transition anxiety is to convey confidence about the school, the classroom, and the exciting new journey your child’s is embarking upon.

What do you find most helpful for your own children when it comes to managing change and transition? I hope you’ll join the conversation and share your own insights and experiences with all of us!

Until next time,
Delila

My child plays with guns

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Bang bang. You wish you were invisible, that you could disappear from view to avoid the scrutiny of parents looking on as your child pokes, pinches or points an imaginary finger pistol at his playmates.

I’ve recently heard from two mamas who are struggling with the shame and frustration they feel as their little ones explore and express their power in physical and verbal ways.  When children explore their physical power through gun play or the like, parents often feel powerless and embarrassed.  I hope my sharing my own experience will provide some insight.  Here is a re-posting of a blog I wrote on this very subject:

January 15, 2010

On the day I handed down my beloved baby doll Tina to my toddler son, she died twice…first in a hit-and-run with his dump truck and later by drowning. Recalling the time my younger brother had scalped that very same doll, her demise at the hands of my tiny son elicited a lecture so shaming I’ve (thankfully) erased it from memory.

My precious little one was all boy, though he had never seen television or movies or violent images in books. Elliott was raised in a carefully prepared environment rich with sensory activities to engage his curiosity. His shelves were filled with puzzles and blocks and art supplies, not guns and swords and pirate ships. We avoided gender stereotypes, rarely even dressing him in blue.

So where did this fascination with violence come from?

I don’t recall the first time I uttered the enlightened and oh-so-above-it-all mantra, “We have a peaceful home. We don’t even pretend to play with weapons here. Everybody has the right to be safe.”  But I do remember my son  retreating from me time and time again to avoid hearing those words, while attempting to hide a carrot-stick sword or paint brush pistol from my view.

Even with years of education and training,  I felt hopeless and ill-equipped to parent my own child.

Some experts suggest that by forbidding imaginary gun play and other such activities, parents increase children’s interest by driving it underground and thus create a situation where children feel they cannot safely express their feelings and impulses. While others advise parents to prohibit toy weapons altogether, I was unable to find any study linking pretend gun play with an increased incidence of violent behavior in adulthood.

Michael Thompson, Ph.D. (author of Raising Cain) has this to say: “What we know is that boys in all cultures around the world wrestle more, mock fight more, and are drawn to themes of power and domination, but that’s not the same as hurting someone, so it’s not necessarily a cause for worry.”

At some point I had an epiphany. What if Elliott’s intrigue with weapons indicated a natural impulse to gain control of his circumstances, and nothing more?  And what if my own feelings of guilt and shame about his interest in these things could be far more damaging than any run-in with a rubber sword?

I was merely passing on my values, but what if my lecturing and nagging had damaged his self-esteem?

My son’s interest in guns was not a passing fancy; he is naturally drawn to mechanics and strategy, and to power. What has changed is my response.  When I realized the toll it was taking on our relationship, I vowed to stop shaming Elliott. And to talk less and listen more. By stepping down from my soapbox, I now know my son better and can respect his varied interests – which include piano and literature, crocheting and cats.

Last summer  Elliott invited me target shooting.  Even though it was only Airsoft, I said “no thanks,” in a tone that spoke volumes. He quickly countered, “Mom, guns are just tools. You don’t have to be afraid of them. Shooting at targets isn’t hurting anyone. It’s fun.”  I allowed him to be my teacher that day.  He demonstrated proper handling and gun safety with total acuity and, no doubt anticipating another eco-lecture from me, vehemently assured me that the pellets would biodegrade “within a reasonable time frame.”

Holding a gun felt awkward until my first “hit,” which was accompanied by an unexpected surge of adrenalin.  I glanced at Elliott who, grinning more broadly than ever, proudly exclaimed, “Mom, don’t you think it feels kind of good when you hit the target?”  I had to be honest. Hitting the target did feel good.

What transpired on the way home was a delicious helping of parental bliss. He uttered the words “Thank you for taking an interest in this, Mom. I know it was a stretch for you.”… and meant it. In that precious moment, ‘all boy’ didn’t seem ‘all bad.’

Until next time,

~Delila

Helping Children to Help Themselves

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Anyone who has ever parented a toddler can identify with the struggle which often ensues when a well-meaning adult rushes in to “help” a child with a task they are attempting to do on their own. Such conflicts are intense and emotional and often result in a sense of defeat for both child and parent.   In these moments we realize that the babies we once held so close are no longer babies and they don’t need quite as much assistance – or at least not the same kind of assistance – as they once did.

Many times the best way a parent can help is to move aside and allow the child to find her way. Given the proper support, even the youngest child can learn to manage many aspects of life independently. With a new school year beginning, this is the perfect time to support your young child in becoming more independent in managing personal needs such as getting dressed and using the bathroom. These familiar activities require the mastery of many individual skills which, once accomplished, bring the child to a new level of independence and self confidence.

Here are some tips to help you and your child along in the process:

Dressing with Independence

  • Store your child’s clothing in a low drawer or on a low rod, making it easily accessible.
  • Fill the drawer with clothing choices that are easy for the child to manage. For a toddler, for example, elastic waistbands and pullover shirts are good choices.
  • Organize the contents of the drawer, making the items visible and accessible. For example, make sure shirts are all in one place, socks in another, etc.
  • Stock the drawer and/or closet with ONLY seasonally appropriate clothing. For example, shorts, tank tops and sandals should be packed away during the winter months.  This way, your child cannot make a ‘wrong’ choice.
  • Make sure EVERY item of clothing can be managed independently by the child.  Buttons, snaps and suspenders are all difficult for very young children to manage.
  • Avoid battles of will by storing ‘fancy’ or formal clothing (anything that is not school-appropriate attire) in a separate place, reserved for ‘special’ occasions.
  • Allow your child the creative freedom to combine patterns and colors of his own choosing, from among the clothing choices available to him. In this way, he will gain confidence in his ability to manage independently and will begin to develop his own personal style preferences.

Managing Bathroom needs Independently

  • Break down the Bathroom Routine into logical steps which include taking down clothes, wiping, washing and flushing independently. Once this simple routine is established, be consistent and avoid doing for the child what she is able to do for herself.
  • Dress For (potty) Success: It’s enough of a challenge for a young child to anticipate the need to go and then get to the bathroom in time, without complicating the process by adding snaps, buttons and bows.  Keep it simple. Elastic waistbands and easy-fitting clothes are the best choices for little ones learning to be independent with bathroom needs.

Learning to dress oneself or use the toilet independently helps children grow in self awareness and self esteem. Rewards or incentives are neither necessary nor helpful to the child because his acquisition of independent life skills, self-confidence and trust in his own abilities are the real reward. And this intangible reward becomes clearly evident in the ear-to-ear grin of the child who has just completed a task independently.  “I did it myself!” is music to every Wize Mama’s ears.

Until next time,

Delila

Kindling the Flame of Creativity

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The creative is the place where no one else has ever been…What you’ll discover is yourself. ~Alan Alda

This post is dedicated to all who tirelessly pursue the creative process.

Creativity involves learning techniques and exploring pathways and discovering one’s unique passions and gifts. For some, creativity is a state of being in the world.

Have you ever experienced a moment of inexpressible, ineffable… something… while immersed in a creative process like singing or drawing or writing?  I say these are the magical moments which keep us anchored to our life dreams and overarching goals. These are the moments we wish for our children, and what inspires us to enroll them in piano and art.

My creative course took a turn twenty five years ago, while observing a group of Montessori preschool children at work and play. I had an epiphany about the vital creativity at work in children; creativity which was not bestowed by a teacher but rather discovered, explored and nurtured by the children themselves.

Creativity is about impulse and passion and choice.  It’s about freedom and flow. It’s about beauty. And it’s about keeping the flame alive. Here are a few  practical tips for encouraging creativity in children and families. What are your favorite tools and tricks? Please take a moment to post your comment:

Provide Opportunity and Choice.

When a spark of creativity is ignited, it’s nice to have some expressive tools and materials at your fingertips. By providing a space and materials with which to work, your child can experience the freedom of choosing how to express a creative impulse or idea. I recommend providing a variety of supplies, organized in boxes or baskets, on a low shelf that is accessible to every member of the family.  Here are some of the basics:

  • Paper – a wide variety of colors and textures and sizes.
  • Easel – great for painting, chalk, and for large collage projects
  • Magazines or catalogs; photos – great for collage
  • Pencils, markers, crayolas and/or oil pastels, and chalk
  • Paints (such as tempura and watercolor)
  • Scissors – different types, including those with fun-shaped edges
  • Glue – squeeze and stick varieties; and a hot glue gun for older kids.
  • Clay – Earthen or Fimo (polymer clay) for sculpture
  • Popsicle sticks – or craft sticks – great for a variety of projects
  • Seasonal items, like autumn leaves, holiday wrap, glitter, stickers… anything goes!
  • Cloths or rags – a basket full for clean up – and a place to put the dirty cloths
  • Plastic or vinyl placemats – to protect works spaces from paint, glue, glitter etc.
  • Aprons – one to fit every artist in the house :)

Establish and Uphold Clear Guidelines of Use.

No parent wants to find tempura paint on the ceiling or clay in the carpet.  Simple guidelines/rules are necessary for maintaining order and keeping everyone safe, but should not inhibit creativity.  These three simple rules allow the individual a large measure of creative liberty within clearly defined limits:

1.      Respect for Self

2.      Respect for Others (anyone around me)

3.      Respect for Environment (immediate, local and global)

Any activity or creative expression that is not respectful of the individual, others, or the space (environment) should not be allowed.  If a material is purposefully misused – like when paint appears on the ceiling, walls or in a siblings hair – it should be removed for a time, and brought back only if the child agrees to use it appropriately.

Demonstrate Basic Techniques: Creative people have mastered specific techniques that allow them to express their unique spirit and creative process. Take the time to demonstrate the basic use of each artistic tool – i.e. pencil, scissors, paintbrush, clay, glue, etc. – before inviting the child to use them independently.   Once the techniques have been demonstrated, the child may explore other ways to use them, or use them in combination.

Respect the Creative Process at Work. As anyone who has ever observed the activities of very young children can attest, they are process-driven creatures.  It’s not at all unusual for a child to spend 30 minutes creating a painting, only to leave the finished product behind, forgotten. This is the natural course of things for the young child, who moves with ease from one activity to the next, immersed in the process of exploring and becoming. It can be difficult for an adult to imagine a child being propelled solely by their own curiosity and inner guidance, and yet when left to their own devices, they are.

Invite Open Dialogue. Children, like adults, don’t always want to talk about their process… and that’s ok.  Trust that your child’s creative explorations may take them to places you have not been. Get curious and, when they do share about their experience, do your best to listen without judgment. Judgment, whether positive or negative, stifles creativity.

Offer Observations and Avoid Praise. The well-meaning adult who swoops in to praise  a child who has produced a product is establishing a pattern of unhealthy dependence on adult approval.  Such a pattern is easily established and difficult to break. Some experts suggest that children who receive regular praise from adults are less confident, less independent, initiate fewer activities on their own, and take fewer (creative, social and intelletual) risks.

However, well placed and objective comments about the child’s process can have the opposite effect, supporting the development of healthy self-esteem. The difference is that praise is totally subjective and places a judgment on the child, while objective comments make meaningful observations of the child’s process,  inspire greater introspection and allow the child to gain confidence in his true abilities. Here is an example of the difference between subjective praise and objective comments:

  • Subjective Praise: “Wow! You are a great artist!”
  • Objective comment: “ I notice you used a lot of blue.”
  • Objective comment: “I see a pattern of lines and circles.”
  • Objective comment: “You worked for a long time on this painting!”

Get Friendly with Error and Avoid Judgment.

Judgment stifles creativity. Humans learn and progress through exploration, experimentation, and by making mistakes and trying again. From this perspective, errors are good indicators of positive progress! Mistake is not a dirty word, despite what we may have learned in school, and Right and Wrong are subjective terms. That one person (even if that person is a parent or teacher) does something in a certain way should not preclude another person from trying it another way.

Explore Your Own Creative Process. Allow your child to see you experimenting, exploring, and expressing your own creative spark.  Paint, draw, and build crazy sculptures and colorful collages.  Have fun!

A favorite collaborative activity: Commemorative Collage

  • Gather family members around an open workspace at a table or on the floor
  • Invite every family member to cut or tear out photos (from magazines or catalogs) which depict what they like about life, family, etc.  Remember… there are no right or wrong answers or images!
  • Once everyone has selected a few images, take turns affixing (glue or glue stick) the images to a small or large poster board.
  • Words can be added as well; older family members can write for those who don’t know how.  The words can be absolutely anything anybody wants to say about family.  It only has to make sense to the person offering it.
  • Choose a common area in which to post the collage, where every member of the family can see and enjoy it.  Someone might even choose to add another image later on.
  • This same activity can be done with family photos or memorabilia to commemorate a birthday or holiday, or the passing of a favorite pet.
  • Suggestion: Ring in the New Year with a family collage to commemorate 2009!

Enjoy!

Until next time,

Delila

Celebrating with Children

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Today is Halloween, which means we are still in the midst of my favorite season… autumn. However,  when I walked into my local Fred Meyer the other day I  was stunned to discover racks of holiday decorations and tinsel and lights. At my house we’re still harvesting tomatoes and raking leaves. December celebrations are distant on the horizon. But not for the mega-corporations intent on capturing our hearts and our dollars.

Always a season ahead, advertisers welcome the approach of the winter holidays with a vigorous attempt to capitalize on our desire to create memorable family rituals. While a central premise of marketing is that buying things will make us happy (not!),  a study of materialistic values among children determined that kids who have the most in a material sense tend to be the least generous, the least content, and less confident  (From Natural Life Magazine, March/April 2008). This revelation comes as no surprise to any parent who has witnessed the tearful tantrums of a child caught up in the vicious cycle of  begging for “things” – candy, toys or the immediate object of their desire – only to discover that the joy at having acquired the thing is fleeting and empty. 

We can turn off the tube  (good first step) but we can’t control the commercialism which presses in through magazines and retail stores – and which bombards our children with images that depict values that may differ from those we want to impart.  However, as parents we can offset the manipulative power of advertising by providing our children an abundance of real, meaningful moments in which to anchor their developing values and beliefs. These kinds of moments – those spent with family and friends, sharing meaningful rituals – weave the true emotional fabric of life.

In our Montessori classrooms we find many events and occasions worthy of celebration, including the loss of a tooth; the changing of the seasons; the sprouting of a seed; the birth of a child; and the historical milestones of many cultures. We honor each of these with equal reverence and without regard for commercial hype which may surround its arrival.  We share  stories, music, and artistic expressions of many cultures and celebrations as dictated by the natural interest of the children, the cycles of the seasons, and the  values of the school community.

We connect as often as possible with nature, a shared experience through which we can explore lessons in history and culture and the ongoing story of our humanity. For the winter holidays we explore the seasonal changes in the earth as well as various cultural expressions of the time, including but never limited to celebrations of Christmas, Hanukkah, Los Posadas, Kwanzaa, Diwali, and the Winter Solstice.  Songs, stories, and pictures on our walls may reflect aspects of these cultural celebrations, all of which inspire further explorations and conversations. Some children may have personal stories, music, or a special project to share and we welcome these.

Because young children are easily overwhelmed by too much activity, we keep our celebrations simple, short and meaningful; and we maintain the regular routines and rituals to which the children are so deeply connected.

Here are a few simple suggestions to inspire meaningful moments and family traditions:

Take a brisk walk outdoors to collect objects from nature – pinecones, autumn’s last leaves, rocks and twigs – and collaborate to make a festive winter table decoration.

 

Keep a family Gratitude Journal: each day at the same time – after dinner or before bed works well – every member of the family can share one thing for which they are thankful, and another member can record them. If you have children who are old enough to write, they will delight in being the one to record these daily “gratitudes.”

 

Volunteer: discuss ways in which your family might be of service to others – preparing and delivering a meal to an elderly person; volunteering at a soup kitchen; or creating a gift box for a child in need are wonderful ideas –  and make it a yearly tradition for your family to participate in some such volunteer activity.

 

Host a cookie swap among friends and neighbors: make the baking a collaborative experience with your children, as well as the sharing of what you have made. The message: there is as much joy in giving as receiving.

Feed the birds: find a recipe for making your own bird food or bird feeder (large pinecones smeared with nut butter and rolled in birdseed make a tasty treat for birds) and hang them in a place where you can observe what happens.

Happy Haunting :)

Delila

Thoughts on Waldorf Education

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I met my friend Rosa Vela Sachs in 1988 while living in Dallas, Texas, where I spent my first year as a Montessori guide. Rosa taught Spanish in the elementary program and her youngest son, Zachary, was in my primary class. Sitting in Rosa’s cozy kitchen or on the front porch as her children played nearby, I learned something about spontaneity and joyful parenting. Rosa and her husband, Byron, once spent two years living on a sailboat where they homeschooled their children while traveling through the east coast of the US and the Bahamas. I was the lucky recipient of Rosa’s brightly illustrated letters chronicling those adventures – a travel log, of sorts – which underscored for me the importance of sharing life with our children, rather than just leading them through it. I am once again learning from Rosa, who has been a part of the Waldorf community – teaching Spanish at the Austin Waldorf School – for the past 14 years.  Choosing an educational setting for our children is no small decision, and thankfully we have some very good options.  I asked Rosa to share with me her perspective on what is special about Waldorf education, and I am delighted to share her response here:

Thoughts on Waldorf Education by Rosa Vela Sachs

waldorfIt is commonplace to observe that globalization is shrinking the world at an unprecedented rate. Technological advances accelerate the exchange of goods and ideas, bringing us all closer together — while paradoxically, these same forces accentuate our differences and reanimate long-dead conflicts. As a new order emerges from the shattered certainties of the old, the fate of our planet and that of every living creature on it have never seemed so precariously balanced. Opposing the centrifugal force of historical experience, education stands as our best and most viable resource to meet the challenge of the future.

As a Waldorf educator, I believe that this challenge of the future is being met — every day. From the development of kindergarteners’ imaginations through the story telling, to the spiritual approach taken in humanities and sciences in the high school, Waldorf curriculum is focused on one overarching goal: preparing the next generation for the world that will be their legacy. Toward that end, these time-tested methods seek to draw out of each student his or her full latent potential.

But does it work?

A recent edition of the publication, Survey of Waldorf Graduates ~ Phase Three from The Research Institute for Waldorf Education, reported that 94% of all Waldorf graduates attend college and 88% graduate from college.  More importantly, research indicated that 82% of these graduates value ethical principals and helping others in their chosen careers, and 91% practice and value life-long learning.

Success, from the Waldorf perspective, means something more than simply high academic performance, for true success in the world requires more than a slavish ambition to meet goals imposed from without. True success, as we see it, involves an inner activity in the individual, action that stems from an inner compass, and guides the human being to participate in the world in whatever way s/he can.  Our educational thrust is directed at helping our students develop individual capacities that will make this possible.

Clearly then, success is more than rote plodding down a path blazed by others. Take the experience of Canyon Darcy, from Austin, Texas. After graduating from the Austin Waldorf School in 2007, Canyon considered his options and chose the road less traveled — a road that led to Tajikistan in central Asia. He credits his Waldorf education for his openness to new experiences, and his willingness to “step out of his comfort zone”. He believes that because his Waldorf education so thoroughly addressed his imagination in his formative years, as a young adult he was able to deal with the inevitable shock of immersion in a culture alien in many respects to his own. Canyon is only one example in a sea of unique and globally-minded Waldorf students, former students, and graduates throughout the world.

Waldorf curriculum meets the development of the human being at certain stages from kindergarten through high school. It also meets the needs of the world community in the form of committed, well-educated individuals who can think and problem solve, who can feel, appreciate, and connect with other people and who can take constructive action and make things happen.  That is the goal of Waldorf education.  Thank goodness!

Helping Children Dress Themselves

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Today I got a question from a mama who is growing weary of the daily struggle with her young daughter, who insists upon wearing shorts and tee shirts to school.  Mom is concerned that her daughter won’t be warm enough, now that brisk autumn weather is upon us, but her little one is committed to making her own choices .  How can this mama allow her child the freedom to express her own clothing preferences, while also looking out for her safety and comfort?

As adults we are accustomed to juggling many options, but it’s important to remember that too many choices become overwhelming to a young child.  As parents we can ease the child’s burden of responsibility by  limiting choices to only those that are appropriate for them.  For example, once the weather changes it’s time (for the parent) to pack away shorts and tees and any other seasonally inappropriate clothing until the return of warmer weather. Any item of clothing which is not suitable for a brisk autumn day, or for school, should be removed from dressers and drawers, thus limiting the child’s choices and allowing for greater independence with fewer power struggles. To read more suggestions on this subject, Click Here.

Please post a comment to share your tips and strategies for assisting your child in dressing independently (and appropriately) – or to post a question. Your insights, experience and questions are valuable to the whole MamaWize community so please join the conversation!

Until next time,

~Delila

Contemplating the Empty Nest…

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I miss my son when he’s away, even if it’s only for a week spent at grandma’s during the summer. When he’s gone and the house is quiet I catch myself listening for the familiar sounds he makes when searching for a clean pair of socks or rummaging for a snack or fumbling for his house key.  I know how to help with these things and  it makes me feel good and purposeful having done it. I am his mama and as I’ve said time and time again, it is “my most important role in life.”

If I’m being honest, I would have to say that much of  my personal identity is wrapped up in being Elliott’s mom. I am a successful teacher, writer and business owner, and I’ve managed to integrate these professional endeavors into my role as parent.  I say integrate because, make no mistake, I am first-and-foremost a mom. Why aim for CEO when one can achieve the title of  Mama, the veritable source of love and caring?

I can see why people have loads of children. Being a mom allows me to feel valued and necessary.  The tending I provide to my child is also an ineffable offering to my self, which strengthens my identity as a care taker. Whew.  Why do parents tend to do too much for their children?  Because it feels sooooo good!

I have several friends who recently escorted children off to college and, as I drove my son to his first day of high school last week,  I suddenly felt keenly aware that we had just entered the final 4-year stretch before college and “real life.”  I wonder which is worse, the anxious contemplation of what life will be like when my son has flown the nest, or the actual transition which some parents have said is really quite liberating?  Right now I can only conjure anxiousness.

I recently read a wonderful story written by a mama I knew years ago when her children attended the Montessori school where I worked.  Click below to read Lakshmi’s story:

Empty Nest Leaves Her Feeling Uprooted

To share your story or pose a question to other mamas, click on the title of this post and then scroll to the bottom to add your comments.  I hope you’ll join the conversation!

Here’s to the joy and sadness, to the growth and risk and vulnerability of raising children; here’s to us, wize and courageous mamas!

Until next time,

Delila

Separation Anxiety: when it’s hard to say goodbye…

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Whew! Writing this post took me back to my son’s first day of Montessori school… eleven years ago. That doesn’t seem possible!  I can still feel myself fighting back tears as I mustered a bright and enthusiastic send off as my “baby” hurried off to join his new friends.That first day was relatively easy for him, but incredibly difficult for me.

Separation anxiety is no fun for parent or child, but it is a natural part of growing up.

Babies and toddlers go through an anxiety phase (usually, between 7 – 24 months) because they have not yet developed an understanding of object permanence, meaning; they don’t yet understand  that important people continue to exist even when they are out of sight.

This kind of anxiety sometimes appears again, briefly, when children start school. By this age (3 and older) the child does understand that people go away and come back again, but may need extra reassurance that familiar objects and people will reappear when the school day is done. Once trust is established – they know mama or papa will return to pick them up after school – the child can let go of anxious feelings and move into the school day with a sense of confidence.

No matter how wonderful the school and the teacher may be, the first day of school represents something new and unknown in the life of the child, and also in the life of the parent.  Therefore, the way in which parents prepare for and communicate about this big change is a critically important factor in the child’s experience.

Here are a few timely tips for easing first-day-of-school jitters:

  • Read a book to encourage your child’s questions and prepare for the experience of going to school – it’s nice to do this many times before the first day of school arrives.  Check out Sam and Gram and the First Day of School by Dianne Blomberg.
  • Make sure your child gets plenty of sleep; push bedtime back, if necessary, to assure your child awakes calm and happy and with plenty of time to dress, eat breakfast, and get out the door without feeling rushed or anxious about the time. Click for some additional tips on creating healthy bedtime rituals.
  • Involve your child in preparations for school, such as helping to pack a lunch and laying out clothing the night before, and preparing breakfast in the morning. Allowing the child to be fully involved in the process instills confidence and positive feelings about the new school experience. Click for some additional tips on dressing for independence.
  • Engage in pleasant, positive car conversations – be sure to convey your excitement and confidence in your child’s new school. And remind them that you’ll be back to pick them up, after their fun day at school.
  • Turn off your cell phone, so you can give your undivided attention to your child and facilitate a smooth transition. Same goes for pick up – when you are talking on your cell phone you are not being present for your child.
  • Once at the classroom door, share a short goodbye – a warm hug and a kiss, and a reminder that you’ll be back when school is out. Remain positive and enthusiastic, even if (especially if) your child seems reluctant. Prolonged goodbyes are difficult for the child and the parent, and do not help the transition to school. Same goes for peering through the window or lingering in the parking lot – if your child sees you doing this, it will only indicate to them that you are not comfortable and, therefore, they won’t be comfortable either.
  • If your child is having difficulty entering the classroom or is unwilling to physically separate from you (you know, like when they are wrapped around your pant leg…), allow a teacher to assist. Remember, pre-school teachers have lots of experience with just such a scenario.
  • If your child eats lunch at school, it’s really lovely to include a simple note – something like:  “Dear Elliott,   I love you.  ~Mama” This is a meaningful ritual which provides a nice touchstone to home and family while fitting in nicely with the child’s experience at school.

Most parents feel a mixture of joy and sadness as the child reaches each new level of independence. As difficult as it may seem to send your little one off to their new school for a few hours, keep in mind the reasons you chose this experience for your child.

Wize Mamas – what are some tips can you share for easing first-day-of-school anxiety, or for when those “I don’t want to go to school!” days rear their ugly heads?  Please join the conversation!

Post your comments by clicking on the title of this post (above) and then clicking in the comment box (below).

Until next time,

Delila