Tag Archives: self care

Exploring the inner world

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This blog has been a place I’ve explored parenthood, womanhood and life.

I’ve always considered motherhood to be both my greatest contribution and my greatest challenge as a woman. As my son set off to make his way in the world as a college freshman last fall, it opened the way for grieving the loss of a part of my own identity, that which derives its worth from the care of others.

Months later, I still find myself looking and listening for the sounds he used to make, hearing only the strange emptiness that fills the spaces he once occupied.

As Elliott has grown in independence, needing me less and less, my own need for caring has shifted back to tending the inner garden from which I draw my strength and clarity as a woman.  This is a time of transition, a time of exploring what comes next, and of evaluating the needs which are primary at this time in my life.

As a single woman on a journey toward awareness, fumbling through life with the support of other strong women, I find myself deep in inquiry about the questions that surround romantic love, intimacy, and creativity.

The blog now becomes a place to test new ways of using my voice, new expressions of what is true for me in this moment, and new opportunities to expand the conversation.

Delila

Liberating the mothers of humanity

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“Patience is also a form of action”  ~ Auguste Rodin

It’s tricky being a woman.  We tend to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and believe we’re responsible for everything around us.

Our children make bad decisions and we question our parenting skills.

A business deal falls through and we wonder how we could have saved it.

A partner is acting strange and we assume it’s somehow our fault.

As women and mothers, we have the power to influence the emotional wellness of those around us, especially our loved ones. Yet, we often take on this responsibility at our own expense.

I took  an unexpected and unwelcome hiatus from this blog due to a series of events and circumstances which have shaken my emotional foundation and left me temporarily at a loss for words.  Over the last several months two beloved family members have passed away and, as if that isn’t enough to manage,  I’ve been named in an ugly, costly and time-consuming lawsuit. As a result, any sense of “normalcy” seems to be lost for the moment.

Despite the physical, emotional and financial trauma surrounding my present circumstances, there are still bills to pay,  deadlines to meet, meals to prepare, and a never-ending pile of laundry calling my name.  And there is a hard truth to face: It’s time to truly accept that life sometimes brings circumstances beyond my control.

I realize it’s time to stop trying to control my circumstances, and return to the care of the ONE THING over which I have some control… myself.

To me, caring for myself means the occasional, unapologetic soak in the tub with a gin and tonic and a trashy gossip magazine.  It means sleeping in ‘til noon from time to time, adding a line item for massage to my monthly budget, and giving myself  permission to walk away from the computer in favor of back-to-back episodes of Glee with my son.   As a mother, business owner, and the sole bread-winner in my family, these are guilty pleasures I rarely allow myself and I’m realizing… maybe it’s time I should!

What guilty pleasure can you allow yourself today?  Choose a good one and please, share it in the comment section below for other Wize Mamas to see.

Life can come at us pretty fast and, as women, we feel it deeply when things aren’t going as planned.  Here’s to liberating ourselves from the need to be the mothers of humanity. And here’s to nurturing ourselves with what we need to be and feel our best.

It’s good to be back.

Much love until next time,

Delila

Wize Woman of the Month: Erin Donley

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MamaWize is about connecting women by sharing wisdom and building community.  Our newest feature, Wize Woman of the Month, will spotlight strong women  juggling many responsibilities and leading extraordinary lives. I am pleased to feature Erin Donley as the first Wize Woman of the Month.

Erin Donley is an inspired writer, speaker, communications and marketing consultant, and the owner of Marketing Your Truth. She’s known as the “eyes and ears” of New Renaissance Bookshop, where she’s a manager and the author of their popular email newsletter about modern-day spirituality. Erin has a tremendous ability to connect strong people, find words for the intangible, and lead as an example to those who want to communicate with personality, originality, and power. The following interview will give you a glimpse of what makes Erin tick; to learn more visit MarketingYourTruth.com.

What makes you feel most alive? Being able to talk about things most people don’t want to talk about or don’t have the language (or guts) to express… topics like death, shame, vulnerability, and especially, how to communicate more effectively. I like giving a voice to the unseen, unspoken, and the “unheard of” things in life.

My mom always told me… It’s important to have your own money. She’d probably love for me to marry a rich man, but she insisted that I learn how to earn my own income and support myself.

This always takes priority in my life: Going for a jog in my neighborhood, taking warm salt baths, and spending time alone when I need it.

Who inspires you? People who are unapologetic about who they are, open about their issues and willing to show up, laugh, and move through whatever is going on in their life with as much grace as possible.

What’s the one thing you’ve accepted about yourself with age? I have a pretty strong need to be different. Sometimes my drive to do things in a non-traditional and extraordinary fashion makes it hard for me to live up to my own standards. I’m getting softer with myself and others… finally.

Who are you a mom to? I’m a mom to a beautiful brown dog named Banjo. I waiver in the desire to have kids and find it to be a hard decision. For now, I’m focused on creating a lifestyle that could support a child. So that if I chose to have kids, it would be safe for me to try.

What advice would you give to other Wize Women? Many of us are too emotionally invested in our outcomes to see where and how we need to grow. Find a mentor who can help you to see yourself, your business, or your style of communication from an objective point of view. Gift yourself with good help and pay for it gladly.

Visit www.MarketingYourTruth.com to learn more about Erin and her work.

If you know of a Wize Woman you would like to see featured on MamaWize, contact me.

Until next time,

Delila

Renewing the Spirit: Nurturing the Nurturer

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I’ve been writing this blog for almost a year and in that time I’ve been pleasantly surprised to discover that this online community attracts women of all kinds and in all stages of life… even those who are not mothers.

This confirms a trend I’ve been noticing for awhile: In this day and age, women are not subscribing to traditional roles. Instead, we are insisting that our lives be a reflection of who we truly are and not simply who we feel we should be. Motherhood, while often an important facet of our female experience, is only one aspect of our womanhood.

Yet, the shared quality of nurturing – mothering – seems to be a natural inclination for most women. The problem is, in our efforts to nurture and care for others – families, friends, co-workers, etc. – we often neglect our own needs. It’s a bit of a conundrum. How can we juggle all the responsibilities of our personal and professional lives without neglecting our own personal needs?

No matter where we find ourselves in life, at times we crave the kind of caretaking we offer others, the kind we may ourselves have experienced as children. As women, I believe it’s up to us to support each other in getting these personal needs met, in taking the time to nurture ourselves, and in an ongoing commitment to placing our own needs at the top of the priority list… at least some of the time.

This blog is dedicated to all the women who give, nurture, and care. It is intended to acknowledge and celebrate the many facets of our womanhood; and to inspire greater attention to our own needs and desires.

Many years ago I established a self care ritual I continue to practice almost every day, no matter what else is going on in my life. Just before bed I turn off phones, lock the bathroom door, light a candle and run a hot Epsom salt bath infused with essential oils. I allow myself to soak until my body is relaxed and my mind is clear. Whether I can carve out 5 minutes or 30 minutes, this simple ritual always leaves me feeling nurtured and renewed.

I asked several dynamic women friends – each of whom juggle busy personal and professional schedules with incredible guts and grace – how they keep it all together.  Here are their self care secrets:

Jane Crawford, Owner and LMT (www.lavenderstonemassage.com) “Dry body brushing is an important part of my morning self-care routine. The hour I spend focused on my body and my healing allows me to be that much more present to the needs of my family and my clients.”

Kellie Jean Lewis, Reiki Master & Massage Therapist (www.kelliejeanreiki.com) “Each morning I write down 10 things for which I’m grateful as well as 10 things I want to attract to my life. I write them as if they are already happening. I then take a moment to get very clear about my intentions for that day, and I write those down as well. I read all of what I’ve just written, aloud. In this way, I start each day grounded in gratitude and positive intention.”

Kristie Connor, High-tech Marketing Specialist & Blogger (www.girlstalkingtech.com) “I keep it simple: every day I try to make time for one or two small but significant activities that feel relaxing and rejuvenating to my spirit.  It might be an extra 5 minutes of snuggle time with my son, a deep breathing exercise, a few jumps on the trampoline, a short walk, or a conversation with a friend. When I do this, I feel my stress melt away.”

Erin Donley, Marketing Consultant and Business Coach (www.marketingyourtruth.com) “ I often enlist advice and nurturing from a 3rd party perspective. For example, I work regularly with a business/life coach, and I occasionally seek counsel from one of the many astounding intuitive healers in Portland. This helps me see my situation from a new angle and, often times, clarity and a deeper understanding of myself and my priorities is all I need to regain balance, security, and confidence.

Diane Bays, Owner (www.healthyspacesonline.com) “I’ve always carved out time to nurture my spiritual life through women’s retreats and getaways, which is one way I have modeled for my children the importance of self-care. When I acknowledge my own needs as equally important, I hope I am inspiring them to seek balance in their own lives.”

Joanna Flores, Owner and L.Ac., M.Ac.O.M., ABT (www.groundspring.net) “After I put the kids to bed, I sit for 5 minutes and replay the events of the day to allow any unfinished business to complete and make its way out of my space.  My reward for doing this is I sleep wonderfully and I wake rested.  If I don’t, then I find myself fidgeting and restless.”

Christine Thum Schlesser, Owner and VP of Operations (www.advantig.net) “I treat myself to a weekly session with a fabulous acupuncturist who blends several traditional Asian techniques to help me maintain a healthy life balance.”

Please take the time to post a comment and share your own favorite strategies for personal renewal.  If you don’t have one, I hope you’re feeling inspired to carve out regular time for self care! You totally deserve it.

Until next time,

Delila