Monthly Archives: August 2009

Toilet Learning

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Today’s topic is loaded… pun intended!

Toilet learning represents a huge step in independence for the young child and a big change in routine for parents as well. The process can be undertaken at any age, but the child’s interest and readiness should determine the timing. I’ve never heard a parent report success using one of those “toilet training in a day” programs, probably because they do not take into account the child’s natural pace and overall readiness to tackle the process.

Watch for signs of early interest. Young children are naturally inclined to imitate adults and siblings – brushing teeth like papa or washing hands like mama. This is how they learn the rituals and routines of family life. When you notice your child imitating these kinds of bathroom routines is a good time to introduce the toilet sequence (pulling down pants; sitting on the toilet; wiping afterward; washing hands; flushing, etc). The sequence is easily mastered, just like any other practical life skill, when a child has the opportunity to practice and explore.

Be ready to take action when your child shows an interest, regardless of their timing. When toilet training is postponed or when the child is not allowed to become independent when their early interest dictates, the process become onerous and frustrating for both children and parents. Out of frustration, parents may turn to the use of rewards and punishments, which are rarely effective and usually draw out the process even further.

Here are some practical potty learning tips I’ve gathered over the years:

  • Choose Natural Fibers/Fabrics. Natural cotton fiber is gentlest on baby’s tender skin and allows the child to sense wetness and eventually to make the connection between the wetness they experience and the biological impulse to use the toilet. The absorbency of disposable diapers prevents toddlers from sensing when they have urinated, thus undermining the child’s natural tendency to gain independence in managing bodily functions. Disposable diapers also contain chemicals which are toxic to the baby and unfriendly to the planet.
  • Allow Exploration & Encourage Imitation. Latching the bathroom door or securing the toilet lid sends a confusing message to the child when they see other members of the family using the bathroom at will. Allow your child to see what’s going on in the bathroom, to become familiar with the toilet routine.  Children learn by watching.  If your toddler seems fascinated with playing in the water in the toilet, try gently redirecting him to a water table or basin of water for play in another room. He will soon learn that the water in the toilet has a different purpose.
  • Get some “Potty” Books. My son’s favorite (board book) was Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi. We must’ve read it a thousand times!
  • Prepare a Potty: Even if you are using a child sized potty chair rather than an insert for an adult sized toilet seat, I recommend keeping the potty in the bathroom.  Using the toilet in different rooms of the house can create confusion for the child since, in the real world, the bathroom is the only room with a toilet.
  • Dress For (potty) Success: See my previous post on dressing for independence . It’s enough of a challenge for a young child to anticipate the need to go and then get to the bathroom in time, without complicating the process by adding snaps, buttons and bows.  Keep it simple. Elastic waistbands and easy-filling clothes are the best choices for little ones learning to be independent.
  • Set up a Child-sized Changing Station: When you notice your child beginning to anticipate the biological urge to use the toilet, it’s time to set up a bathroom ‘changing station’ at their  level.  Set out a supply of cotton training pants on a low shelf in the bathroom, along with a supply of clothes or wipes, so when an accident occurs the child is able to take off the wet/soiled underwear, clean their bottom, and put on a clean pair. A hamper for soiled underpants and wet clothes/towels should be available in the same space, at the child’s level. Potty “accidents” are a logical occurrence during the process of toilet learning, the same as spilling food occurs frequently when one is learning to use a spoon. The more the child is able to manage on her own, the greater her sense of self confidence and easier the transition to complete bathroom independence. Obviously, parents should be available to fully support the process and assist with cleaning as needed.
  • Recognize Independence as Its Own Reward: Learning to use the toilet is the child’s work, not the parents. Rewards and punishment are neither necessary nor helpful. The child’s acquisition of independent life skills, self-confidence and trust in his own abilities are the real reward… which is clearly evident in the ear-to-ear grin of the child who has just completed a task independently.  “I did it myself!” is music to every Wize Mama’s ears.

Toilet training, like every other practical life skill, is learned easily when the child is ready for the next level of independence. It is a self-motivated process which proceeds based upon the child’s interest, desire for independence, and biological readiness.  One way or another, when the timing is right, everybody poops!

What potty learning strategies worked best for your family?  Please post your comments!

Until next time,

Delila

Dressing for Independence and Self Esteem

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Anyone who has parented a toddler can identify with the struggle which ensues when a well-meaning adult rushes in to “help” the child with a task they are attempting to do on their own.

Imagine this scenario: the child has pushed her head through the armhole of her favorite ‘princess’ dress, the dirty one she’s been wearing every day for the past week, and the parent is determined to get her into something more suitable for her first day of school.    In this moment the child is expressing her need for  independence, while the adult struggles to gain control of the situation and the child.  Such conflicts are intense and emotional and usually result in a sense of defeat for both child and parent.

Following are some tips for supporting your child’s need to independently  manage their clothing. With a new school year just around the corner, these simple strategies can make mornings easier and more pleasant for children and parents:

  • Store the child’s clothes in a low drawer or on a low rod, so they are easy to access.
  • Fill drawers with clothing choices that are easy for the child to manage. For example: for a three year-old, elastic waistbands and pullover shirts are good choices; buttons, snaps, belts and suspenders are not.
  • Limit Choices.  Too many options can be overwhelming for the child.  I recommend including no more than several of each item – shirt, pants, socks, etc.  The child may choose one of each item on a given day.  Make sure every item of clothing you put in the drawer and closet are acceptable to you. Then, within these limits allow the child to make their own choice of color/style. Try to let go of adult expectations – who says stripes and plaids don’t match?
  • Stock the drawer or closet with ONLY seasonally appropriate clothing. For example, shorts, tank tops and sandals should be packed away during the winter months.  This way, the child cannot make a ‘wrong’ or inappropriate  choice.
  • Avoid battles of will by storing ‘fancy’, costume, or formal clothing (anything that is not school-appropriate attire) in an entirely separate place. As the parent, it is your responsibility to decide which things are available at all times and which only come out for special occasions, or for play.
  • Allow the child the creative freedom to combine patterns and colors of their own choosing, from among the limited options you have provided.   Try to let go of your need for your child to look or dress a certain way.  Through the experience of making their own choices, the child gains confidence in their ability to manage independently and begins to develop their own personal style preferences.
  • When the child is headed for the laundry hamper to pull out the favorite (dirty) item of clothing, calmly remind them that they may choose from among the items in their drawer/closet and that the favorite dress will be available on another day.

We can’t control the child – and we shouldn’t try – but we can control the choices we offer. While it takes some time to put the above preparations in place, it’s well worth the effort.  As independence increases, so does the child’s sense of self esteem and confidence in their own abilities.

I’m smiling as I recall a few of my Montessori students whose colorful, eclectic attire revealed their independence, self-confidence, and unique fashion sense. In honor of them, today I may wear stripes and polka dots. :)

Have you got some tried and true tricks for helping children get dressed independently? Post a comment to join the conversation!

Given the right kind of  support even the youngest child can learn to manage many aspects of life independently. My next post will focus on the topic of toilet training. Stay tuned!

Until next time,

Delila

When sleep does not come easily…

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A few more thoughts on sleep…

As a general rule of thumb, well-rested children awake on their own and  in good spirits. If your child doesn’t get out of bed in the morning without a wake-up call, or awakes in an unpleasant mood,  it’s a likely sign s/he is not getting adequate rest.

Television, video games, computers, and other entertainment devices can and usually do interfere with sleep patterns.  I recommend limiting your child’s exposure to these devices,  and  avoiding them altogether during the several hours before bedtime.

Sometimes sleep eludes even the most exhausted children. When the regular evening ritual – warm bath, short story and snuggles – doesn’t cut the mustard, I have a few tried and true strategies for helping a little one settle down. These are especially useful on those evenings when excitement and anticipation can keep us awake like, for instance, the night before the first day of  school:

Massage: light, gentle massage of the tummy or feet can be very relaxing and seems to work most effectively right after a warm bath.

Warm tea or milk: for many years my son’s bedtime ritual included a lukewarm cup of chamomile tea. He would sip his tea while I read aloud.  I highly recommend this lovely ritual even if your child doesn’t have difficulty settling down. You’ll be lucky to finish the story before your little one is snoozing…

Quietude: I am a big fan of homeopathy and I find Quietude to be an effective, safe, non habit forming remedy for sleeplessness. The remedy comes in a sweet-tasting little tablet that easily dissolves in the mouth. Most larger health food stores carry Boiron homeopathic remedies. Read more about it at http://www.boironusa.com/products/name.html

It’s easy for everyone to fall out of sync with healthy sleep patterns during the summer months, and it may take a week or two of consistent bedtime rituals to get things back into a steady routine. Healthy sleep habits develop through caring consistency.

What sleepy-time strategy works well for your children? Post a comment to join the conversation!

Given the right kind of  support even the youngest child can learn to manage many aspects of life independently. My next post will focus on the topic of dressing for independence. Stay tuned!

Sweet Dreams,

Delila

The Importance of Sleep

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Hey Wize Mamas,

Have the first-day-of-school jitters hit your household yet?

As summer draws to a close, eager children and anxious parents anticipate the first day of school.  Whether your child is starting preschool or heading off to kindergarten, the transition represents an important milestone for the child and the family.

Even with a few solid years teaching experience under my belt, I was not emotionally prepared for my son’s first day at Montessori preschool. I adored the classroom environment and the teacher I had carefully chosen for him; his classroom felt like a home away from home.  Still, when the day came to leave my three year-old at the threshold of his first real experience away from me, I was devastated. I cried that morning and for many mornings after, grieving what I understood to be the first of many steps which would inevitably lead him further out into the world.

Parenthood is both joy and heartache, sometimes all at once.  It seems like just yesterday we passed that first momentous milestone and now another quickly approaches; my son is heading off to high school in a few weeks. As I was pouring over my notes in preparation for fall Parent Orientation, I realized the timeliest tips are useful at any age.

Over the next few days I’ll be sharing what I feel are the most important things a parent can do to ease the transition to (or back to) school:

Preparing for a School:  The Importance of Sleep

While the chronic effects of exhaustion are something to which many busy adults have become accustomed – hey, isn’t it about time for that mid-afternoon latte? –  fatigue seriously affects both adults and children. Fussiness, irritability, and lack of attentiveness are symptoms of fatigue.  Lack of sleep interferes with learning, affects social behavior, and creates an obstacle to success in school and life.

While most people may aim for eight hours of sleep per night, research cited in Newsweek* magazine recommended at least 10.5 hours of sleep for sixth grade children.  Younger children, experts say, need even more sleep for optimal health and development!  Research also indicates that when parents provide consistent sleep routines for the family, children are happier, more self-assured, less demanding and more sociable.  Same benefits apply to adults, of course.

Experts offer the following tips for helping children get adequate, quality sleep:

  • Set a regular time for bed each night and stick to it
  • Establish a calm bedtime routine, such as a warm bath, followed by a short story
  • Avoid big meals close to bedtime, and no caffeine within six hours of sleep
  • Make evening play relaxing; avoid television before bed
  • Create a quiet, dim, relaxing space for sleep. If necessary, use a small nightlight.

Family rituals around bedtime should be simple and calming.  A warm bath, a short story, and little snuggle are all most children need to settle down for a restful night’s sleep. The same sort of routine works wonders for grown-ups too :)

What is your favorite family ritual? Post a comment to join the conversation!

Until next time,

Delila

*Newsweek, Fall/Winter 2000

Welcome to the MamaWize Community!

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Welcome to MamaWize!  I’m Delila Olsson, a mother, writer, speaker and consultant.  I am also a Montessori educator with many years  experience working with children and mentoring parents and caregivers.

The initial inspiration for my blog came about during a recent late-night chat with a group of women friends, as we were sitting around doing what women naturally do… discussing our families, sharing resources, and brainstorming solutions. I believe it really does take a village to raise a child and to nagivate the inevitable pitfalls of modern living.

This blog will feature articles and discussions on relevant topics such as common parenting questions and practices, educational philosophies, and strategies for managing life.

This is a place for real conversations about whatever comes up.  Thanks to Jen, Amy, Seana and Jeanne Mare for your encouragement to start blogging and to Dia, the wize mama who came up with the name!

Welcome to our village.

~Delila