“Patience is also a form of action” ~ Auguste Rodin
It’s tricky being a woman. We tend to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and believe we’re responsible for everything around us.
Our children make bad decisions and we question our parenting skills.
A business deal falls through and we wonder how we could have saved it.
A partner is acting strange and we assume it’s somehow our fault.
As women and mothers, we have the power to influence the emotional wellness of those around us, especially our loved ones. Yet, we often take on this responsibility at our own expense.
I took an unexpected and unwelcome hiatus from this blog due to a series of events and circumstances which have shaken my emotional foundation and left me temporarily at a loss for words. Over the last several months two beloved family members have passed away and, as if that isn’t enough to manage, I’ve been named in an ugly, costly and time-consuming lawsuit. As a result, any sense of “normalcy” seems to be lost for the moment.
Despite the physical, emotional and financial trauma surrounding my present circumstances, there are still bills to pay, deadlines to meet, meals to prepare, and a never-ending pile of laundry calling my name. And there is a hard truth to face: It’s time to truly accept that life sometimes brings circumstances beyond my control.
I realize it’s time to stop trying to control my circumstances, and return to the care of the ONE THING over which I have some control… myself.
To me, caring for myself means the occasional, unapologetic soak in the tub with a gin and tonic and a trashy gossip magazine. It means sleeping in ‘til noon from time to time, adding a line item for massage to my monthly budget, and giving myself permission to walk away from the computer in favor of back-to-back episodes of Glee with my son. As a mother, business owner, and the sole bread-winner in my family, these are guilty pleasures I rarely allow myself and I’m realizing… maybe it’s time I should!
What guilty pleasure can you allow yourself today? Choose a good one and please, share it in the comment section below for other Wize Mamas to see.
Life can come at us pretty fast and, as women, we feel it deeply when things aren’t going as planned. Here’s to liberating ourselves from the need to be the mothers of humanity. And here’s to nurturing ourselves with what we need to be and feel our best.
It’s good to be back.
Much love until next time,
Delila
As a recent breast cancer survivor, what I find sad for us women is that the onlytake time we really do stock in what we do for ourselves, is when we experience high level emotional trauma on a personal level. What we should be doing instead is treating ourselves daily to the TLC we so freely give everyone else, so that when our life is turned upside down, we have the emotional reserve to keep the crisis from destoying us.
Life is a journey, no doubt – I have found that some of life’s best treasures are found at the end of an extremely bumpy road. And while we can’t control the quality of that road, we can control the speed at which we travel it, as well as who is sitting next to us in the car.
Adversity and failure are an inevitable part of life’s landscape. They do not, however, define who we are – it’s what we choose to do with them that does.
Karyn has answered so well. The only thing I would add is that, each day, we need to congratulate ourselves on the small “wins” – the kid that finally turned in a school assignment after constant hounding, the partner that finally did a chore that we ourselves would normally be saddled with, the customer service person who actually heard our complaint and responded with corrective action without any voices being raised or threats made. These are the things that wear us down when not addressed, so make time to acknowledge what went “right” in your day.
My own guilty pleasure today will be to watch Oprah (assuming it’s not a re-run). I rarely watch daytime tv of any kind, but today might just be a good day to indulge. My thoughts to all the wise mamas out there and peace and abundance to you, Delila.
All very thoughtful points! As for my reflections, I think I once shared this on the blog before, but as with many experiences, our perspective all depends on where we are in the moment we read or hear something. Not too long ago, I too suffered a deep family loss and a couple of very challenging years. One thing shared with me during this time, was to make a commitment to myself to choose one thing to look forward to each day. It might range from a cup of tea or piece of chocolate to a massage, 10 minutes of silence or music, or a wonderful outing with a dear friend. In any case, it helped me remember me at least once a day. I also found comfort in remembering the lessons, gifts (life), and memories given to me by (in my case) my dad.
One thing about age and wisdom I’ve learned is that the more joys and challenges we face, the more we understand that there are cycles in our journey and that we will get through to the other side of adversity, many times stronger. I know there are moments when this really doesn’t help, that’s when a bag of chips, watching oprah, eating chocolate or a great glass of wine might tide you over.
Just one more thing. A few years ago I was reading a book called the four agreements. It’s written by Don Miguel Ruiz. Some one told me I might enjoy it.
The four agreements are these: Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best. The one that struck me and has stuck with me when I feel challenged is to always do your best. His point being- your best is different on different days. If we do your best, regardless of what it is that day- then we need to give ourselves a break because we can’t do more than we are capable of at any given moment.
Glad you’re back. Hope we can connect soon.
Well, I can’t do it today…. but I’d love to sleep til 10am, watch the View, stay in my jammies, drink too much coffee, and make (carb loaded) pancakes with lots of butter and syrup.
Glad to have you back, Delila. Thank you for this powerful post.
Erin
What a powerful message. As I read your words I felt the resonance of familiarity coursing through me. In the last year I have had to really grapple with just how damaging stress can be and how when you abandon the care of yourself, truly things unravel. Breathe. Really. That is what I have found to be most re-balancing and to sincerely pause to feel the life in you, filling you up, and grounding you. It is a hard hard lesson to accept when things are not as you imagined or would like them to be but to look for the wisdom that arises in those times can be ultimately nourishing. Thank you for sharing your truth, Delila.
Thank you all so much for your compassionate listening and heartfelt sharing – and wise insight and suggestions! They are all so timely… I imagine for all us. I am grateful to be among you, wize women. ~ Delila
This is a keeper for my files. I want to make sure I have it on hand for the next time I feel like I am carrying a load.
From time to time we wonder if we are not in this alone. You are not and now I feel like I am not. Thank you for the beautifully penned reminder.
Thanks, Sherry, and welcome to the MamaWize community!