Anyone who has parented a toddler can identify with the struggle which ensues when a well-meaning adult rushes in to “help” the child with a task they are attempting to do on their own.

Imagine this scenario: the child has pushed her head through the armhole of her favorite ‘princess’ dress, the dirty one she’s been wearing every day for the past week, and the parent is determined to get her into something more suitable for her first day of school.    In this moment the child is expressing her need for  independence, while the adult struggles to gain control of the situation and the child.  Such conflicts are intense and emotional and usually result in a sense of defeat for both child and parent.

Following are some tips for supporting your child’s need to independently  manage their clothing. With a new school year just around the corner, these simple strategies can make mornings easier and more pleasant for children and parents:

• Store the child’s clothes in a low drawer or on a low rod, so they are easy to access.
• Fill drawers with clothing choices that are easy for the child to manage. For example: for a three year-old, elastic waistbands and pullover shirts are good choices; buttons, snaps, belts and suspenders are not.
• Limit Choices.  Too many options can be overwhelming for the child.  I recommend including no more than several of each item – shirt, pants, socks, etc.  The child may choose one of each item on a given day.  Make sure every item of clothing you put in the drawer and closet are acceptable to you. Then, within these limits allow the child to make their own choice of color/style. Try to let go of adult expectations – who says stripes and plaids don’t match?
• Stock the drawer or closet with ONLY seasonally appropriate clothing. For example, shorts, tank tops and sandals should be packed away during the winter months.  This way, the child cannot make a ‘wrong’ or inappropriate  choice.
• Avoid battles of will by storing ‘fancy’, costume, or formal clothing (anything that is not school-appropriate attire) in an entirely separate place. As the parent, it is your responsibility to decide which things are available at all times and which only come out for special occasions, or for play.
• Allow the child the creative freedom to combine patterns and colors of their own choosing, from among the limited options you have provided.   Try to let go of your need for your child to look or dress a certain way.  Through the experience of making their own choices, the child gains confidence in their ability to manage independently and begins to develop their own personal style preferences.
• When the child is headed for the laundry hamper to pull out the favorite (dirty) item of clothing, calmly remind them that they may choose from among the items in their drawer/closet and that the favorite dress will be available on another day.

We can’t control the child – and we shouldn’t try – but we can control the choices we offer. While it takes some time to put the above preparations in place, it’s well worth the effort.  As independence increases, so does the child’s sense of self esteem and confidence in their own abilities.

I’m smiling as I recall a few of my Montessori students whose colorful, eclectic attire revealed their independence, self-confidence, and unique fashion sense. In honor of them, today I may wear stripes and polka dots.

Have you got some tried and true tricks for helping children get dressed independently? Post a comment to join the conversation!

Given the right kind of  support even the youngest child can learn to manage many aspects of life independently. My next post will focus on the topic of toilet training. Stay tuned!

Until next time,

Delila