Wize Woman of the Month: Sherry Jordan

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Sherry B Jordan

“Wize Woman of the Month” showcases extraordinary women among us. Today, we feature Sherry Jordan , Executive Business Coach and Change Management Consultant.

Sherry’s career path reflects steady dedication and momentum, despite personal and professional adversity. Her ability to help others find what’s important and get back on track attracts a steady stream of executives to Sherry’s private and group programs. She is the owner of Northwest Coaching Group and the author of the popular blog, Entrepreneur Executive.

Here’s a look at what makes Sherry Jordan tick:

What makes you feel most alive? Nothing is as exciting to me as being presented with a new challenge and having to “find my way” through it. I love the learning process, the sense of power as I realize my ability to master a new skill or concept, and the excitement of knowing new discoveries await me through each stage of life. Real life examples for me include striving to achieve early admission to college in my teens; moving to a new city and learning to be on my own in my twenties; reaching corporate executive status while at the same time battling cancer in my thirties; and going back to college to discover a new career path in my forties. Now in my fifth decade of life, the grand adventure continues. I am grateful to be here and eager to discover what lies ahead…

My mom always told me… the only thing you can control is your attitude. Deceased for 26 years, her indomitable spirit lives on for me in this phrase which has been a common mantra in my life. I can’t think of a better gift a parent can give a child, than the notion that one can survive anything… with the right attitude. Whether mustering the strength to declare “I can do it” or the courage to surrender and allow the circumstances to unfold, my mother’s voice echoes in my mind and heart. I still miss her every day.

This always takes priority in my life: My relationships. I run a successful business, work long hours and manage a heavy client load, yet my primary relationships with my husband, family and friends take utmost priority in my life. I believe we only have one chance to do this right, and at the end of the day we will all be remembered more for the quality of our relationships than for what we accomplished professionally. I am presently supporting my 86 year old father following a series of health setbacks over the past several months. The circumstances have required me to take many weeks away from my business and, despite the physical and emotional toll of thousands of miles of travel; I consider it an honor and privilege to share this life experience with him.

Who or what inspires you? I am inspired by people who overcome adversity against overwhelming odds; by those who are driven by faith in that which they cannot see; by those who continue to see the best in others and the world, despite personal heartbreak and disappointment; by those who dig deep to discover their own beauty and potential, even when no one else seems to; and, by those who value the simple things in life more than the acquisition of money and power. I am inspired by the hope of newborn babies, by the human potential for compassion, and by the awareness that beauty and inspiration can be found almost anywhere… when we have the eyes (and the attitude) to see.

What’s the one thing you’ve accepted about yourself with age? I’ve accepted that I don’t need to be an expert at everything. I’ve learned to delegate tasks for which I don’t have the time, interest or skill sets… to the people who do. I’ve learned that when I can focus on my strengths, the weaknesses suddenly become less important.

Who are you a mom to? I tend to be a mother to almost anyone who wants or needs one! In all seriousness, I perceive it as a great honor to take on the role of nurturer. I enjoy this kind of relationship with my two sons and my nephew, as well as many young fellow cancer survivors. The ability to provide support for friends, family and clients gives me enormous joy.

What advice would you give to other Wize Women? Don’t be concerned about what others think of you, but be very concerned about what you think of yourself. Spend time every day, working to improve your relationship with YOU.

Thanks to Sherry for sharing herself with us.
Until next time,
Delila

Preparing for Preschool

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Yesterday was the first day back for most of the children where I live. Starting school is a very big deal… especially for the youngest students and their parents.

Young children live in the present moment, and future time is a vague and confusing concept for them. Therefore, as we prepare our children for preschool, our parental attempts to build excitement can actually have the opposite effect… and can create added anxiety. Following are a few tried and true preparations which may help to ease the transition for your child, and also for you.

• Allow your child lots of opportunities to practice putting on and taking off their own shoes, and fastening and unfastening (or pulling up and down) clothing when using the bathroom. These important steps of independence build confidence and self-esteem, and also make life away from home much easier.

• Select and read aloud from children’s books about preschool or kindergarten and about making new friends. These stories provide indirect preparations for the new school experience to come, and reading them aloud may encourage your child’s spontaneous questions and curiosity. It’s nice to do this many times before the first day of school arrives. Check out Sam and Gram and the First Day of School by Dianne Blomberg.

• Begin adjusting your child’s sleep schedule several weeks before the first day of school, to avoid the additional stress exhaustion can add to the first day jitters. If they are not waking easily or happily, then continue to moving bedtime back until they wake on their own. Allow plenty of time in the morning for waking, dressing, and eating breakfast, so your child does not feel rushed or anxious. Once you’ve established a comfortable routine, stick to it.

• Share true stories about school with your children. They’ll love to hear the true stories about your own childhood, and these real life stories can provide a lot of information and comfort as they make their own transition to school.

• Engage in pleasant, positive car conversations as you pass the school. These might include some positive comments about the playground, teachers, or the new friends they’ll meet when school starts.

• Keep your parental anxiety in check. Go ahead and process your feelings of sadness or anxiousness or loss with your partner and friends, but don’t allow your child to hear or see your reservations about this next step of independence. The best way to ease your child’s transition anxiety is to convey confidence about the school, the classroom, and the exciting new journey your child’s is embarking upon.

What do you find most helpful for your own children when it comes to managing change and transition? I hope you’ll join the conversation and share your own insights and experiences with all of us!

Until next time,
Delila

My child plays with guns

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Bang bang. You wish you were invisible, that you could disappear from view to avoid the scrutiny of parents looking on as your child pokes, pinches or points an imaginary finger pistol at his playmates.

I’ve recently heard from two mamas who are struggling with the shame and frustration they feel as their little ones explore and express their power in physical and verbal ways.  When children explore their physical power through gun play or the like, parents often feel powerless and embarrassed.  I hope my sharing my own experience will provide some insight.  Here is a re-posting of a blog I wrote on this very subject:

January 15, 2010

On the day I handed down my beloved baby doll Tina to my toddler son, she died twice…first in a hit-and-run with his dump truck and later by drowning. Recalling the time my younger brother had scalped that very same doll, her demise at the hands of my tiny son elicited a lecture so shaming I’ve (thankfully) erased it from memory.

My precious little one was all boy, though he had never seen television or movies or violent images in books. Elliott was raised in a carefully prepared environment rich with sensory activities to engage his curiosity. His shelves were filled with puzzles and blocks and art supplies, not guns and swords and pirate ships. We avoided gender stereotypes, rarely even dressing him in blue.

So where did this fascination with violence come from?

I don’t recall the first time I uttered the enlightened and oh-so-above-it-all mantra, “We have a peaceful home. We don’t even pretend to play with weapons here. Everybody has the right to be safe.”  But I do remember my son  retreating from me time and time again to avoid hearing those words, while attempting to hide a carrot-stick sword or paint brush pistol from my view.

Even with years of education and training,  I felt hopeless and ill-equipped to parent my own child.

Some experts suggest that by forbidding imaginary gun play and other such activities, parents increase children’s interest by driving it underground and thus create a situation where children feel they cannot safely express their feelings and impulses. While others advise parents to prohibit toy weapons altogether, I was unable to find any study linking pretend gun play with an increased incidence of violent behavior in adulthood.

Michael Thompson, Ph.D. (author of Raising Cain) has this to say: “What we know is that boys in all cultures around the world wrestle more, mock fight more, and are drawn to themes of power and domination, but that’s not the same as hurting someone, so it’s not necessarily a cause for worry.”

At some point I had an epiphany. What if Elliott’s intrigue with weapons indicated a natural impulse to gain control of his circumstances, and nothing more?  And what if my own feelings of guilt and shame about his interest in these things could be far more damaging than any run-in with a rubber sword?

I was merely passing on my values, but what if my lecturing and nagging had damaged his self-esteem?

My son’s interest in guns was not a passing fancy; he is naturally drawn to mechanics and strategy, and to power. What has changed is my response.  When I realized the toll it was taking on our relationship, I vowed to stop shaming Elliott. And to talk less and listen more. By stepping down from my soapbox, I now know my son better and can respect his varied interests – which include piano and literature, crocheting and cats.

Last summer  Elliott invited me target shooting.  Even though it was only Airsoft, I said “no thanks,” in a tone that spoke volumes. He quickly countered, “Mom, guns are just tools. You don’t have to be afraid of them. Shooting at targets isn’t hurting anyone. It’s fun.”  I allowed him to be my teacher that day.  He demonstrated proper handling and gun safety with total acuity and, no doubt anticipating another eco-lecture from me, vehemently assured me that the pellets would biodegrade “within a reasonable time frame.”

Holding a gun felt awkward until my first “hit,” which was accompanied by an unexpected surge of adrenalin.  I glanced at Elliott who, grinning more broadly than ever, proudly exclaimed, “Mom, don’t you think it feels kind of good when you hit the target?”  I had to be honest. Hitting the target did feel good.

What transpired on the way home was a delicious helping of parental bliss. He uttered the words “Thank you for taking an interest in this, Mom. I know it was a stretch for you.”… and meant it. In that precious moment, ‘all boy’ didn’t seem ‘all bad.’

Until next time,

~Delila

Liberating the mothers of humanity

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“Patience is also a form of action”  ~ Auguste Rodin

It’s tricky being a woman.  We tend to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and believe we’re responsible for everything around us.

Our children make bad decisions and we question our parenting skills.

A business deal falls through and we wonder how we could have saved it.

A partner is acting strange and we assume it’s somehow our fault.

As women and mothers, we have the power to influence the emotional wellness of those around us, especially our loved ones. Yet, we often take on this responsibility at our own expense.

I took  an unexpected and unwelcome hiatus from this blog due to a series of events and circumstances which have shaken my emotional foundation and left me temporarily at a loss for words.  Over the last several months two beloved family members have passed away and, as if that isn’t enough to manage,  I’ve been named in an ugly, costly and time-consuming lawsuit. As a result, any sense of “normalcy” seems to be lost for the moment.

Despite the physical, emotional and financial trauma surrounding my present circumstances, there are still bills to pay,  deadlines to meet, meals to prepare, and a never-ending pile of laundry calling my name.  And there is a hard truth to face: It’s time to truly accept that life sometimes brings circumstances beyond my control.

I realize it’s time to stop trying to control my circumstances, and return to the care of the ONE THING over which I have some control… myself.

To me, caring for myself means the occasional, unapologetic soak in the tub with a gin and tonic and a trashy gossip magazine.  It means sleeping in ‘til noon from time to time, adding a line item for massage to my monthly budget, and giving myself  permission to walk away from the computer in favor of back-to-back episodes of Glee with my son.   As a mother, business owner, and the sole bread-winner in my family, these are guilty pleasures I rarely allow myself and I’m realizing… maybe it’s time I should!

What guilty pleasure can you allow yourself today?  Choose a good one and please, share it in the comment section below for other Wize Mamas to see.

Life can come at us pretty fast and, as women, we feel it deeply when things aren’t going as planned.  Here’s to liberating ourselves from the need to be the mothers of humanity. And here’s to nurturing ourselves with what we need to be and feel our best.

It’s good to be back.

Much love until next time,

Delila

Holiday Hype got you down?

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While the central premise of marketing revolves around the idea that buying things will make us “happy”,  a study of materialistic values among children determined that kids who have the most in a material sense tend to be the least generous, the least content, and the less confident (From Natural Life Magazine, March/April 2008). This revelation comes as no surprise to any parent who has witnessed the tearful tantrums of a child caught up in the vicious cycle of  begging for “things” – candy, toys or the immediate object of their desire – only to discover that the joy at having acquired the thing is fleeting and empty.

Yet, this is what we face as consumers… holiday hype and commercial marketing often seems to overshadow the real meaning of the season.

What if commercial holidays were no more worthy of celebration than the loss of a tooth; the changing of the seasons; the sprouting of a seed; the birth of a child; or the historical milestones of any culture?  And what if we honored each of these milestones with equal reverence and without regard for commercial hype?

I offer these few simple suggestions for slowing down and staying connected to the things that really matter this holiday season:

Walk outdoors and collect objects from nature – pinecones, autumns last leaves, rocks and twigs can make a festive winter table decoration.

Keep a Gratitude Journal: Every member of the family can share one thing for which they are thankful. This becomes a lovely keepsake treasure of shared moments.

Volunteer: There is perhaps no better way to remain mindful of the real meaning of “giving” than to serve those less fortunate.

Feed the birds: Large pinecones smeared with nut butter and rolled in birdseed make a tasty treat for birds…hang them in a place where you can observe what happens

I wish you a holiday season filled with Joy, Peace, Gratitude & Love.

Until next time,

Delila

Wize Woman of the Month: Rebecca Singer

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MamaWize is about connecting women by sharing wisdom and building community.  This monthly Wize Woman of the Month column spotlights strong women juggling many responsibilities and making a positive difference in the world. I recently had the extraordinary experience of a healing session with Rebecca Singer, this month’s Wize Woman.  My time with Rebecca was nothing sort of transformational, and I am honored to share her voice and wisdom with you now.

Rebecca Singer is a Shamanic Healer and Spiritual Teacher who lives in Portland, when she’s not in Mongolia. With roots deep in ancestral healing traditions, she works with people to help them be who they came to be and want to be. For 25 years, she has dedicated herself to connecting with the earth and sky and bringing those spirits forward to heal and guide others.  She lives with her partner, Will and her two Costa Rican dogs, Salsa and Osa. Learn more about Rebecca and her work at www.shamanicenergy.com or email her at becca.sing@gmail.com

What makes you feel most alive? I love being surrounded by the wildness of nature… whether on a horse running across the Mongolian grassland, or standing at the top of Mt Chirripo in Costa Rica. And I have to say, there’s nothing quite like being on a camel….so exquisite! I also feel totally alive as I stand in pure light as a healer, drumming and calling out to the Spirits in song on another’s behalf.

My mom always told me… to be afraid.  She didn’t say it in so many words, but certainly did with her actions.  Fortunately, because my spirit was BIG and adventurous, I didn’t let this message slow me down!  I learned that I really didn’t need to be afraid, but I really did need safety and protection.  Oh, and mom often also told me  to “tone it down.” Sorry mom, it just wasn’t meant to be!  I love you.

This always takes priority in my life: To me, it’s all about being true to my heart, and following my passion. I have stepped off many a metaphorical cliff, with no landing in sight, yet somehow always landed on my feet.  My path has led to many different countries and cultures, through many relationships and single-motherhood, and from actress to teacher to non-profit volunteer. I have learned to go where I am called to continue my healing work.  The next phase of my life includes a commitment to assisting the Mongolian Reindeer people… and so it goes.

Who or what inspires you? My partner, Will, inspires me with his capacity for kindness, as does my son, Liam, with his music.  I am likewise inspired by the Dalai Llama; Rigoberto Menchu; (my first teacher) Patricia Spradling; (my three legged dog) Salsa,… because of her loving eyes and eternal happiness; Siberian Tigers; Butterflies; Charlie Chaplin; the performers of Circue du Soleil; Jane Goodall; and the Reindeer people of Mongolia.  Oh, and all of nature; fierce and gentle conviction, and big laughter.

What’s one thing you’ve accepted about yourself with age? As part of a broader acceptance that at age 61 I won’t be able to do absolutely everything I would love to do in this lifetime, I realize I can’t uproot myself continually anymore.  I need a rhythm in my life, which for me means spending some of the year here in Portland and some abroad.  Another bit of acceptance:  my outside appearance sometimes appears older than I feel on the inside… but other days they are congruent…and that’s ok!

Who are you a mom to? Biologically and in my heart of hearts I am mom to my amazing son, Liam Singer, a gifted musician (check out his latest CD, “Dislocatia” )  I have also been a mom to various animals; students in schools, prisons and juvenile justice systems; and people in the process of dying.  I believe I bring a mother’s loving, healing energy to every client… and share it from the bottom of my heart.  I once climbed 2 kilometers down a rainforest mountain – over tretcherous terrain the Red Cross was afraid to navigate – to help a wounded man (I didn’t know) after a car accident in Costa Rica.  Is that being a mom?

What advice would you give other Wize Women? It’s our time. Speak out. Step up. Wake up. The world is depending on our wisdom to come forth in writing, speaking, song, healing, laughter, art, action. Be loud. Be bold. Be gentle, Be compassionate. Treat others with respect, and demand to be treated respectfully. Come on. Get healed. Get whole. Your healthy feminine energy is being called to transform the planet. IT’S OUR TIME!

Visit www.shamanicenergy.com to learn more about Rebecca and her work.

If you know of a Wize Woman you would like to see featured on MamaWize, be sure to contact me!

Until next time,

Delila

Wize Woman of the Month: Erin Donley

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MamaWize is about connecting women by sharing wisdom and building community.  Our newest feature, Wize Woman of the Month, will spotlight strong women  juggling many responsibilities and leading extraordinary lives. I am pleased to feature Erin Donley as the first Wize Woman of the Month.

Erin Donley is an inspired writer, speaker, communications and marketing consultant, and the owner of Marketing Your Truth. She’s known as the “eyes and ears” of New Renaissance Bookshop, where she’s a manager and the author of their popular email newsletter about modern-day spirituality. Erin has a tremendous ability to connect strong people, find words for the intangible, and lead as an example to those who want to communicate with personality, originality, and power. The following interview will give you a glimpse of what makes Erin tick; to learn more visit MarketingYourTruth.com.

What makes you feel most alive? Being able to talk about things most people don’t want to talk about or don’t have the language (or guts) to express… topics like death, shame, vulnerability, and especially, how to communicate more effectively. I like giving a voice to the unseen, unspoken, and the “unheard of” things in life.

My mom always told me… It’s important to have your own money. She’d probably love for me to marry a rich man, but she insisted that I learn how to earn my own income and support myself.

This always takes priority in my life: Going for a jog in my neighborhood, taking warm salt baths, and spending time alone when I need it.

Who inspires you? People who are unapologetic about who they are, open about their issues and willing to show up, laugh, and move through whatever is going on in their life with as much grace as possible.

What’s the one thing you’ve accepted about yourself with age? I have a pretty strong need to be different. Sometimes my drive to do things in a non-traditional and extraordinary fashion makes it hard for me to live up to my own standards. I’m getting softer with myself and others… finally.

Who are you a mom to? I’m a mom to a beautiful brown dog named Banjo. I waiver in the desire to have kids and find it to be a hard decision. For now, I’m focused on creating a lifestyle that could support a child. So that if I chose to have kids, it would be safe for me to try.

What advice would you give to other Wize Women? Many of us are too emotionally invested in our outcomes to see where and how we need to grow. Find a mentor who can help you to see yourself, your business, or your style of communication from an objective point of view. Gift yourself with good help and pay for it gladly.

Visit www.MarketingYourTruth.com to learn more about Erin and her work.

If you know of a Wize Woman you would like to see featured on MamaWize, contact me.

Until next time,

Delila

Helping Children to Help Themselves

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Anyone who has ever parented a toddler can identify with the struggle which often ensues when a well-meaning adult rushes in to “help” a child with a task they are attempting to do on their own. Such conflicts are intense and emotional and often result in a sense of defeat for both child and parent.   In these moments we realize that the babies we once held so close are no longer babies and they don’t need quite as much assistance – or at least not the same kind of assistance – as they once did.

Many times the best way a parent can help is to move aside and allow the child to find her way. Given the proper support, even the youngest child can learn to manage many aspects of life independently. With a new school year beginning, this is the perfect time to support your young child in becoming more independent in managing personal needs such as getting dressed and using the bathroom. These familiar activities require the mastery of many individual skills which, once accomplished, bring the child to a new level of independence and self confidence.

Here are some tips to help you and your child along in the process:

Dressing with Independence

  • Store your child’s clothing in a low drawer or on a low rod, making it easily accessible.
  • Fill the drawer with clothing choices that are easy for the child to manage. For a toddler, for example, elastic waistbands and pullover shirts are good choices.
  • Organize the contents of the drawer, making the items visible and accessible. For example, make sure shirts are all in one place, socks in another, etc.
  • Stock the drawer and/or closet with ONLY seasonally appropriate clothing. For example, shorts, tank tops and sandals should be packed away during the winter months.  This way, your child cannot make a ‘wrong’ choice.
  • Make sure EVERY item of clothing can be managed independently by the child.  Buttons, snaps and suspenders are all difficult for very young children to manage.
  • Avoid battles of will by storing ‘fancy’ or formal clothing (anything that is not school-appropriate attire) in a separate place, reserved for ‘special’ occasions.
  • Allow your child the creative freedom to combine patterns and colors of his own choosing, from among the clothing choices available to him. In this way, he will gain confidence in his ability to manage independently and will begin to develop his own personal style preferences.

Managing Bathroom needs Independently

  • Break down the Bathroom Routine into logical steps which include taking down clothes, wiping, washing and flushing independently. Once this simple routine is established, be consistent and avoid doing for the child what she is able to do for herself.
  • Dress For (potty) Success: It’s enough of a challenge for a young child to anticipate the need to go and then get to the bathroom in time, without complicating the process by adding snaps, buttons and bows.  Keep it simple. Elastic waistbands and easy-fitting clothes are the best choices for little ones learning to be independent with bathroom needs.

Learning to dress oneself or use the toilet independently helps children grow in self awareness and self esteem. Rewards or incentives are neither necessary nor helpful to the child because his acquisition of independent life skills, self-confidence and trust in his own abilities are the real reward. And this intangible reward becomes clearly evident in the ear-to-ear grin of the child who has just completed a task independently.  “I did it myself!” is music to every Wize Mama’s ears.

Until next time,

Delila

Renewing the Spirit: Nurturing the Nurturer

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I’ve been writing this blog for almost a year and in that time I’ve been pleasantly surprised to discover that this online community attracts women of all kinds and in all stages of life… even those who are not mothers.

This confirms a trend I’ve been noticing for awhile: In this day and age, women are not subscribing to traditional roles. Instead, we are insisting that our lives be a reflection of who we truly are and not simply who we feel we should be. Motherhood, while often an important facet of our female experience, is only one aspect of our womanhood.

Yet, the shared quality of nurturing – mothering – seems to be a natural inclination for most women. The problem is, in our efforts to nurture and care for others – families, friends, co-workers, etc. – we often neglect our own needs. It’s a bit of a conundrum. How can we juggle all the responsibilities of our personal and professional lives without neglecting our own personal needs?

No matter where we find ourselves in life, at times we crave the kind of caretaking we offer others, the kind we may ourselves have experienced as children. As women, I believe it’s up to us to support each other in getting these personal needs met, in taking the time to nurture ourselves, and in an ongoing commitment to placing our own needs at the top of the priority list… at least some of the time.

This blog is dedicated to all the women who give, nurture, and care. It is intended to acknowledge and celebrate the many facets of our womanhood; and to inspire greater attention to our own needs and desires.

Many years ago I established a self care ritual I continue to practice almost every day, no matter what else is going on in my life. Just before bed I turn off phones, lock the bathroom door, light a candle and run a hot Epsom salt bath infused with essential oils. I allow myself to soak until my body is relaxed and my mind is clear. Whether I can carve out 5 minutes or 30 minutes, this simple ritual always leaves me feeling nurtured and renewed.

I asked several dynamic women friends – each of whom juggle busy personal and professional schedules with incredible guts and grace – how they keep it all together.  Here are their self care secrets:

Jane Crawford, Owner and LMT (www.lavenderstonemassage.com) “Dry body brushing is an important part of my morning self-care routine. The hour I spend focused on my body and my healing allows me to be that much more present to the needs of my family and my clients.”

Kellie Jean Lewis, Reiki Master & Massage Therapist (www.kelliejeanreiki.com) “Each morning I write down 10 things for which I’m grateful as well as 10 things I want to attract to my life. I write them as if they are already happening. I then take a moment to get very clear about my intentions for that day, and I write those down as well. I read all of what I’ve just written, aloud. In this way, I start each day grounded in gratitude and positive intention.”

Kristie Connor, High-tech Marketing Specialist & Blogger (www.girlstalkingtech.com) “I keep it simple: every day I try to make time for one or two small but significant activities that feel relaxing and rejuvenating to my spirit.  It might be an extra 5 minutes of snuggle time with my son, a deep breathing exercise, a few jumps on the trampoline, a short walk, or a conversation with a friend. When I do this, I feel my stress melt away.”

Erin Donley, Marketing Consultant and Business Coach (www.marketingyourtruth.com) “ I often enlist advice and nurturing from a 3rd party perspective. For example, I work regularly with a business/life coach, and I occasionally seek counsel from one of the many astounding intuitive healers in Portland. This helps me see my situation from a new angle and, often times, clarity and a deeper understanding of myself and my priorities is all I need to regain balance, security, and confidence.

Diane Bays, Owner (www.healthyspacesonline.com) “I’ve always carved out time to nurture my spiritual life through women’s retreats and getaways, which is one way I have modeled for my children the importance of self-care. When I acknowledge my own needs as equally important, I hope I am inspiring them to seek balance in their own lives.”

Joanna Flores, Owner and L.Ac., M.Ac.O.M., ABT (www.groundspring.net) “After I put the kids to bed, I sit for 5 minutes and replay the events of the day to allow any unfinished business to complete and make its way out of my space.  My reward for doing this is I sleep wonderfully and I wake rested.  If I don’t, then I find myself fidgeting and restless.”

Christine Thum Schlesser, Owner and VP of Operations (www.advantig.net) “I treat myself to a weekly session with a fabulous acupuncturist who blends several traditional Asian techniques to help me maintain a healthy life balance.”

Please take the time to post a comment and share your own favorite strategies for personal renewal.  If you don’t have one, I hope you’re feeling inspired to carve out regular time for self care! You totally deserve it.

Until next time,

Delila

Kindling the Flame of Creativity

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The creative is the place where no one else has ever been…What you’ll discover is yourself. ~Alan Alda

This post is dedicated to all who tirelessly pursue the creative process.

Creativity involves learning techniques and exploring pathways and discovering one’s unique passions and gifts. For some, creativity is a state of being in the world.

Have you ever experienced a moment of inexpressible, ineffable… something… while immersed in a creative process like singing or drawing or writing?  I say these are the magical moments which keep us anchored to our life dreams and overarching goals. These are the moments we wish for our children, and what inspires us to enroll them in piano and art.

My creative course took a turn twenty five years ago, while observing a group of Montessori preschool children at work and play. I had an epiphany about the vital creativity at work in children; creativity which was not bestowed by a teacher but rather discovered, explored and nurtured by the children themselves.

Creativity is about impulse and passion and choice.  It’s about freedom and flow. It’s about beauty. And it’s about keeping the flame alive. Here are a few  practical tips for encouraging creativity in children and families. What are your favorite tools and tricks? Please take a moment to post your comment:

Provide Opportunity and Choice.

When a spark of creativity is ignited, it’s nice to have some expressive tools and materials at your fingertips. By providing a space and materials with which to work, your child can experience the freedom of choosing how to express a creative impulse or idea. I recommend providing a variety of supplies, organized in boxes or baskets, on a low shelf that is accessible to every member of the family.  Here are some of the basics:

  • Paper – a wide variety of colors and textures and sizes.
  • Easel – great for painting, chalk, and for large collage projects
  • Magazines or catalogs; photos – great for collage
  • Pencils, markers, crayolas and/or oil pastels, and chalk
  • Paints (such as tempura and watercolor)
  • Scissors – different types, including those with fun-shaped edges
  • Glue – squeeze and stick varieties; and a hot glue gun for older kids.
  • Clay – Earthen or Fimo (polymer clay) for sculpture
  • Popsicle sticks – or craft sticks – great for a variety of projects
  • Seasonal items, like autumn leaves, holiday wrap, glitter, stickers… anything goes!
  • Cloths or rags – a basket full for clean up – and a place to put the dirty cloths
  • Plastic or vinyl placemats – to protect works spaces from paint, glue, glitter etc.
  • Aprons – one to fit every artist in the house :)

Establish and Uphold Clear Guidelines of Use.

No parent wants to find tempura paint on the ceiling or clay in the carpet.  Simple guidelines/rules are necessary for maintaining order and keeping everyone safe, but should not inhibit creativity.  These three simple rules allow the individual a large measure of creative liberty within clearly defined limits:

1.      Respect for Self

2.      Respect for Others (anyone around me)

3.      Respect for Environment (immediate, local and global)

Any activity or creative expression that is not respectful of the individual, others, or the space (environment) should not be allowed.  If a material is purposefully misused – like when paint appears on the ceiling, walls or in a siblings hair – it should be removed for a time, and brought back only if the child agrees to use it appropriately.

Demonstrate Basic Techniques: Creative people have mastered specific techniques that allow them to express their unique spirit and creative process. Take the time to demonstrate the basic use of each artistic tool – i.e. pencil, scissors, paintbrush, clay, glue, etc. – before inviting the child to use them independently.   Once the techniques have been demonstrated, the child may explore other ways to use them, or use them in combination.

Respect the Creative Process at Work. As anyone who has ever observed the activities of very young children can attest, they are process-driven creatures.  It’s not at all unusual for a child to spend 30 minutes creating a painting, only to leave the finished product behind, forgotten. This is the natural course of things for the young child, who moves with ease from one activity to the next, immersed in the process of exploring and becoming. It can be difficult for an adult to imagine a child being propelled solely by their own curiosity and inner guidance, and yet when left to their own devices, they are.

Invite Open Dialogue. Children, like adults, don’t always want to talk about their process… and that’s ok.  Trust that your child’s creative explorations may take them to places you have not been. Get curious and, when they do share about their experience, do your best to listen without judgment. Judgment, whether positive or negative, stifles creativity.

Offer Observations and Avoid Praise. The well-meaning adult who swoops in to praise  a child who has produced a product is establishing a pattern of unhealthy dependence on adult approval.  Such a pattern is easily established and difficult to break. Some experts suggest that children who receive regular praise from adults are less confident, less independent, initiate fewer activities on their own, and take fewer (creative, social and intelletual) risks.

However, well placed and objective comments about the child’s process can have the opposite effect, supporting the development of healthy self-esteem. The difference is that praise is totally subjective and places a judgment on the child, while objective comments make meaningful observations of the child’s process,  inspire greater introspection and allow the child to gain confidence in his true abilities. Here is an example of the difference between subjective praise and objective comments:

  • Subjective Praise: “Wow! You are a great artist!”
  • Objective comment: “ I notice you used a lot of blue.”
  • Objective comment: “I see a pattern of lines and circles.”
  • Objective comment: “You worked for a long time on this painting!”

Get Friendly with Error and Avoid Judgment.

Judgment stifles creativity. Humans learn and progress through exploration, experimentation, and by making mistakes and trying again. From this perspective, errors are good indicators of positive progress! Mistake is not a dirty word, despite what we may have learned in school, and Right and Wrong are subjective terms. That one person (even if that person is a parent or teacher) does something in a certain way should not preclude another person from trying it another way.

Explore Your Own Creative Process. Allow your child to see you experimenting, exploring, and expressing your own creative spark.  Paint, draw, and build crazy sculptures and colorful collages.  Have fun!

A favorite collaborative activity: Commemorative Collage

  • Gather family members around an open workspace at a table or on the floor
  • Invite every family member to cut or tear out photos (from magazines or catalogs) which depict what they like about life, family, etc.  Remember… there are no right or wrong answers or images!
  • Once everyone has selected a few images, take turns affixing (glue or glue stick) the images to a small or large poster board.
  • Words can be added as well; older family members can write for those who don’t know how.  The words can be absolutely anything anybody wants to say about family.  It only has to make sense to the person offering it.
  • Choose a common area in which to post the collage, where every member of the family can see and enjoy it.  Someone might even choose to add another image later on.
  • This same activity can be done with family photos or memorabilia to commemorate a birthday or holiday, or the passing of a favorite pet.
  • Suggestion: Ring in the New Year with a family collage to commemorate 2009!

Enjoy!

Until next time,

Delila