Whew! Writing this post took me back to my son’s first day of Montessori school… eleven years ago. That doesn’t seem possible! I can still feel myself fighting back tears as I mustered a bright and enthusiastic send off as my “baby” hurried off to join his new friends.That first day was relatively easy for him, but incredibly difficult for me.
Separation anxiety is no fun for parent or child, but it is a natural part of growing up.
Babies and toddlers go through an anxiety phase (usually, between 7 – 24 months) because they have not yet developed an understanding of object permanence, meaning; they don’t yet understand that important people continue to exist even when they are out of sight.
This kind of anxiety sometimes appears again, briefly, when children start school. By this age (3 and older) the child does understand that people go away and come back again, but may need extra reassurance that familiar objects and people will reappear when the school day is done. Once trust is established – they know mama or papa will return to pick them up after school – the child can let go of anxious feelings and move into the school day with a sense of confidence.
No matter how wonderful the school and the teacher may be, the first day of school represents something new and unknown in the life of the child, and also in the life of the parent. Therefore, the way in which parents prepare for and communicate about this big change is a critically important factor in the child’s experience.
Here are a few timely tips for easing first-day-of-school jitters:
- Read a book to encourage your child’s questions and prepare for the experience of going to school – it’s nice to do this many times before the first day of school arrives. Check out Sam and Gram and the First Day of School by Dianne Blomberg.
- Make sure your child gets plenty of sleep; push bedtime back, if necessary, to assure your child awakes calm and happy and with plenty of time to dress, eat breakfast, and get out the door without feeling rushed or anxious about the time. Click for some additional tips on creating healthy bedtime rituals.
- Involve your child in preparations for school, such as helping to pack a lunch and laying out clothing the night before, and preparing breakfast in the morning. Allowing the child to be fully involved in the process instills confidence and positive feelings about the new school experience. Click for some additional tips on dressing for independence.
- Engage in pleasant, positive car conversations – be sure to convey your excitement and confidence in your child’s new school. And remind them that you’ll be back to pick them up, after their fun day at school.
- Turn off your cell phone, so you can give your undivided attention to your child and facilitate a smooth transition. Same goes for pick up – when you are talking on your cell phone you are not being present for your child.
- Once at the classroom door, share a short goodbye – a warm hug and a kiss, and a reminder that you’ll be back when school is out. Remain positive and enthusiastic, even if (especially if) your child seems reluctant. Prolonged goodbyes are difficult for the child and the parent, and do not help the transition to school. Same goes for peering through the window or lingering in the parking lot – if your child sees you doing this, it will only indicate to them that you are not comfortable and, therefore, they won’t be comfortable either.
- If your child is having difficulty entering the classroom or is unwilling to physically separate from you (you know, like when they are wrapped around your pant leg…), allow a teacher to assist. Remember, pre-school teachers have lots of experience with just such a scenario.
- If your child eats lunch at school, it’s really lovely to include a simple note – something like: “Dear Elliott, I love you. ~Mama” This is a meaningful ritual which provides a nice touchstone to home and family while fitting in nicely with the child’s experience at school.
Most parents feel a mixture of joy and sadness as the child reaches each new level of independence. As difficult as it may seem to send your little one off to their new school for a few hours, keep in mind the reasons you chose this experience for your child.
Wize Mamas – what are some tips can you share for easing first-day-of-school anxiety, or for when those “I don’t want to go to school!” days rear their ugly heads? Please join the conversation!
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Until next time,
Delila