At one time it was unthinkable for a woman to raise her child apart from the rituals and traditions of her community. Much has changed, but today’s woman still carries within her a lineage of wisdom that innately prepares her for childbirth and parenting. This knowledge echoes the voices of ancient grandmothers who teach valuable lessons about building community, raising children, and caring for oneself amidst the bustle of modern living.

Portland-based Shamanic practitioner Rebecca Singer teaches women to connect with this deep inner knowledge, and to march to the beat of their own drum while growing families, careers, and communities. With minimal support from her family, Rebecca raised her son as a single parent while living internationally, working with at-risk youth and supporting the needs of those on the threshold of change.

The skills Rebecca teaches women about childbirth and parenting are profound. She says, “Nothing connects a woman more to her power than birthing a baby. It’s a breaking open of a woman into her own wisdom. Too often, the focus during pregnancy is on ‘what if something goes wrong’ rather than on a woman’s instinctive ability to give birth. Today many women choose C-sections so their bodies won’t have to go through a natural birth. I loved being in labor. There was this deep sense that I knew what I was doing.”

Connection with the Earth can seem like an idealist state, but Rebecca demonstrates how it must be a priority in our fast-paced society. “When our bare feet hit the ground, our breathing and heart rate slows down, our eyes can focus, and our expectations and demands get a chance to fall by the wayside. Children desperately need this time away from technology to connect with the natural rhythm of nature, and so do we as mothers. It drops us into our bellies and allows us to relax and remember who we are.”

Which leads to a common question: How can a mother be fully present for her children without abandoning her own needs? Rebecca points out, “It’s so important to connect and build friendships with other healthy women who love being women. Find a group of mothers who can laugh and cry about the absurdities of parenthood. Seek out those who don’t compete or criticize. And then trust yourself completely. No one knows how to raise your child better than you.”

Every good mother wants her children to grow up happy, to be good to others and to live their own passion. This calls for parenting that is fierce, unconditionally loving, and that provides children with clear and consistent limits. “Mothers must be ready to defend their children and also be able to listen to constructive feedback about their children. Ultimately, it’s up to us as mothers to negotiate with anyone or anything that dims our child’s spirit. Good parenting is about protecting children, teaching them about their own inner knowing and strength, and then letting them go.”

As kids hit the teenage years, parents must shift as well. Rebecca helps moms in this stage learn how to check their reactivity to common situations. She believes, “Not every teenager is going to be difficult. It’s a psychological set-up in our culture to expect teens to be a challenge. Friendships can feel fake and unsatisfying at this age and kids can feel isolated, and it’s hard on their spirit. Home must be a place where they can be fully themselves. Establishing safety in your home means making yourself available to really listen and communicate without judging.

Mothering a teen means making yourself available to communicate, understanding and accepting their need to become independent from you, and allowing them to show you what kind of support is needed. Most of all, teens need to see their mothers modeling acceptance, confidence and comfort in their own skin.”

Eloquently, Rebecca reminds women, “Mothering is a season of life in which we are called to be entirely present and dedicated to the wellbeing of another person. Happy childhoods are not created by doing more, achieving more, or having more. It’s about being fully available to your child. Learn how to go inside, listen to your gut, and listen to what your child is telling you he or she needs. And if you don’t know how to do it, get some help. Forget the people who want to tell you what to do; choose the people who can teach you how to trust your instincts and love yourself.”

As a Shamanic healer who works on three continents, Rebecca is the embodiment of a fearless warrior. But when she speaks about her adult son, Liam, there’s a softness that illuminates her mother’s heart: “I have to say of all my experiences in life, raising my son was the best … the absolute best.”

~Delila

This article appeared in Portland Family Magazine in May 2012. -See more at: http://www.portlandfamily.com/posts/the-beat-of-her-own-drum/