Dear Wize Mamas & Papas,

As some of you know, I offer consultations with families. The idea is to get parents the support they need to experience more harmony and less frustration at home.

I’m fascinated by the questions I get to ask…. designed to expand awareness and inspire parents to explore their feelings at a deep level. I think these are questions every parent should revisit now and then, to keep us mindful of our personal purpose and unique vision for our families.

I’ve chosen a few of the most thought-provoking questions to share here, and I invite you to ponder each one for yourself.

If it stirs anything up for you, let me know… I’d love to help.

1. What are the core values and beliefs of your family? What is most important to you?
   
2. How is your home set up to be comfortable and functional for every member of your family?
3. In what situations do you wish someone would hand you the “official book of parenting” and, what is it about these situations that tends to overwhelm you as a parent?
4. What about your child inspires you the most?
5. What about your child mystifies you?
6. What do you most want your child to remember about you as a parent?

And as always, this blog is about sharing diverse views on parenting… feel free to answer any of these publicly or add some of your own questions to the dialogue.

Let’s talk!

~Delila

On the day I handed down my beloved baby doll Tina to my toddler son, she died twice…first in a hit-and-run with his dump truck and later by drowning. Recalling the time my younger brother had scalped that very same doll, her demise at the hands of my tiny son elicited a lecture so shaming I’ve (thankfully) erased it from memory.

My precious little one was all boy, though he had never seen television or movies or violent images in books. Elliott was raised in a carefully prepared environment rich with sensory activities to engage his curiosity. His shelves were filled with puzzles and blocks and art supplies, not guns and swords and pirate ships. We avoided gender stereotypes, rarely even dressing him in blue.

So where did this fascination with violence come from?

I don’t recall the first time I uttered the enlightened and oh-so-above-it-all mantra, “We have a peaceful home. We don’t even pretend to play with weapons here. Everybody has the right to be safe.”  But I do remember my son  retreating from me time and time again to avoid hearing those words, while attempting to hide a carrot-stick sword or paint brush pistol from my view.

Eight years of education and training under my belt and I felt hopeless and ill-equipped to parent my own child.

Some experts suggest that by forbidding imaginary gun play and other such activities, parents increase children’s interest by driving it underground and thus create a situation where children feel they cannot safely express their feelings and impulses. While others advise parents to prohibit toy weapons altogether, I was unable to find any study linking pretend gun play with an increased incidence of violent behavior in adulthood.

Michael Thompson, Ph.D. (author of Raising Cain) has this to say: “What we know is that boys in all cultures around the world wrestle more, mock fight more, and are drawn to themes of power and domination, but that’s not the same as hurting someone, so it’s not necessarily a cause for worry.”

At some point I had an epiphany. What if Elliott’s intrigue with weapons indicated a natural impulse to gain control of his circumstances, and nothing more?  And what if my own feelings of guilt and shame about his interest in these things could be far more damaging than any run-in with a rubber sword?

In my mind I was merely passing on my values, but what if my lecturing and nagging had damaged his self-esteem?

My son’s interest in guns was not a passing fancy; he is naturally drawn to mechanics and strategy, and to power. What has changed is my response.  When I realized the toll it was taking on our relationship, I vowed to stop shaming Elliott. And to talk less and listen more. By stepping down from my soapbox, I now know my son better and can respect his varied interests – which include piano and literature, crocheting and cats.

Last summer  Elliott invited me target shooting.  Even though it was only Airsoft, I said “no thanks,” in a tone that spoke volumes. He quickly countered, “Mom, guns are just tools. You don’t have to be afraid of them. Shooting at targets isn’t hurting anyone. It’s fun.”  I allowed him to be my teacher that day.  He demonstrated proper handling and gun safety with total acuity and, no doubt anticipating another eco-lecture from me, vehemently assured me that the pellets would biodegrade “within a reasonable time frame.”

Holding a gun felt awkward until my first “hit,” which was accompanied by an unexpected surge of adrenalin.  I glanced at Elliott who, grinning more broadly than ever, proudly exclaimed, “Mom, don’t you think it feels kind of good when you hit the target?”  I had to be honest. Hitting the target did feel good.

What transpired on the way home was a delicious helping of parental bliss. He uttered the words “Thank you for taking an interest in this, Mom. I know it was a stretch for you.”… and meant it. In that precious moment, ‘all boy’ didn’t seem ‘all bad.’

I know the conversations that might  spring from this topic are broad in scope and emotionally charged. And that’s exactly what Mamawize is aiming for… so please, respond with your thoughts, insights, and personal experience. This blog is all about having real, honest, diverse discussions… parent to parent.

Talk to me…

~Delila

Hey wize mamas,

Today’s post is for parents who seek practical and positive solutions for children dealing with the stresses of modern living. We already know about the profound benefits of a healthy diet, regular exercise, and sleep. But sometimes these are not enough.

I met Dr. Jerry Schlesser and his wife Christine many years ago when our boys attended the same Montessori preschool.  Dr. Schlesser was well respected for his unique nutritional formulations but, until recently, I had no idea about the real life impact of his research and clinical experiences with children. Here’s the story in a nutshell:

Seven years ago Dr. Schlesser was approached by experts in criminology and education to assist them in exploring an untested approach to education reform.  The concept was to design a clinical study structured around the use of a proprietary dietary supplement targeted at improved academic performance and social behavior in children.

The first school chosen for the study, Anthony Elementary in Kansas, was on the verge of closing due to poor academic performance and high rates of violence, and anti-social behavior.  The violence statistics at that time were six times the state average (9.3% versus 1.45%).

The clinical results were nothing short of extraordinary, boasting an overall reduction in anti-social behavior and improvement in academic performance in students who regularly received Dr. Schlesser’s Kids Potential™ formula. To learn more about the school study, take a look at the Fox News video on the Advantig website.

To be honest, my son is already a good student and we eat a relatively healthy organic diet. That said, like most parents I am concerned about dietary and environmental factors, including higher and higher levels of stress in children and adolescents, which pose a threat to physical and cognitive development. Here’s what I’ve noticed in the 6 weeks or so since my son started taking Potential™ in the morning with breakfast:

• He almost always awakes alert and energetic. Sometimes he even finds a few extra minutes to sit down and practice piano before heading off to catch the bus before 7:00am.
• He easily completes his homework and has time for talking with friends and spending time with family.
• His stress level – about schoolwork, especially – has decreased.
• He is more cooperative, willingly helping with household chores without  argument or resistance.

Potential™, like all the products in the Advantig line, is free of fillers, wheat, soy, dairy, gluten, sugar, lactose, animal products, artificial colors, artificial flavors, salt, starch, MSG, trans fatty acids or preservatives. And it’s full of good things, including:

• Multi-source minerals including calcium, magnesium, zinc, manganese, chromium and molybdenum. Also included: Selenium – an important antioxidant for brain function; Iron – an essential nutrient in a unique form that supports healthy brain development and; Taurine – an amino acid that acts as a protective nutrient against environmental toxins, and positively affects brain chemistry regulating nerve function, neurotransmitter activity and behavior.
• Unique Antioxidant blend with a high ORAC value – including bilberry, blueberry, cherry, cranberry, elderberry and red concord grape skin – all known to be beneficial for brain and nerve function.
• Full-spectrum, food source Vitamin E – with a bio-potency twice that of synthetic Vitamin E.

I purchase Advantig products locally at Healthy Spaces in West Linn, OR – where you can also find lots of other useful items for a healthy family and healthy home.  You can also find them online at Dr. Schlesser’s Advantig website.

What strategies do you employ to help your children deal with dietary deficiencies and environmental stresses? Please post your comment to share your insights and experience!

Until next time,

Delila