Great question… and most of us have had firsthand experience with a child who is still naked as the school bell is about to ring! I recall a few of those Power struggles are intense!

The question to ask yourself in this moment of struggle – we can assume you’ve asked repeatedly for the child to get dressed – is this: what need is the child expressing? I would imagine the child who is refusing to dress (or eat or sleep) is expressing a need to have more control over their experience. Too few choices can cause resistance; too many choices can be overwhelming for the child and create a scenario where it’s too difficult to choose. Therefore, it may make sense for you to think about the morning ritual from your child’s perspective. Is there enough order in the environment that s/he can clearly see what choices are available? Chaos is distracting for children (adults, too). Reducing the number of clothing options may help.

Also consider whether you have provided adequate preparation and support for a smooth morning ritual. Sleep is so important – according to most sources I’ve read, elementary age children need at least 11 – 12 hours per night. If you are having to wake your child in the morning, it’s a sure sign they are not getting adequate rest. It works well to gradually increase your child’s sleep cycle by moving bedtime back in 15 minute increments. Also, do your best to keep the bedtime ritual short and sweet and relaxing – one short story or a quiet song can be the a perfect send-off to dreamland.

Also consider whether or not the limits you have established are clear and consistent. When all else fails and resistance to getting dressed is a scenario your child plays out with you regularly, I offer this simple and logical consequence: drive them to school in their pajamas (make sure you also take an outfit along in a bag). Let the teacher know (at the door) that your child chose not to get dressed but that you’ve brought clothes along for when they are ready to finish preparing for school. Then walk away, thus removing yourself from the struggle. I’ve never seen this scenario repeated more than once with any child. The key to making this work is establishing clear limits and then following through absolutely every time, so your child knows that you mean what you say.

You are one WIZE mama! Thanks for sharing your story, which is especially meaningful for those how are just now walking through the early stages of independence with their children.

Delila

I love your blog and wisdom sister! As you know, I am writing from the perspective of a parent with “adult” children.

It is so important for children to dress themselves early in their development. It gives them an “I can do” attitude and allows them to gain confidence in their decision making processes. It builds self-esteem and creativity.

One year I was a chaperone for a lower elementary camping trip. I was in charge of 3 children. 2 of the 3 could dress themselves. One of them could not and just stood there waiting for help to dress the first day of camp. I was surprised and decided to encourage the child to make a choice of clothing and dress. The joy on the child’s face when the realization of how empowering it was to dress oneself is permanently etched in my mind. More so with this child than even my own. I don’t think I was aware what the gift was with my own children. I remember thinking how shocked the parents would be when the child said, “No, I can do it myself.”

I have observed that each of my children has a personal style over which I have little (okay…let’s be honest NO) influence. At 20 and 18 they are VERY competent and confident decision makers. Just the way it was meant to be…

Jill

Can you address when your child doesn’t want to get dressed? They can, they just don’t want to get up, eat breakfast and get going?